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Owner	Pose
Trudy Grimm	Castle Cinnuint. A dark fortress that overlooks the valley and village of Glascail. Since the Supervillain Readiness Simulation, it and its attending town have largely stood empty, save short visits by Paladins researchers and trainees studying the wreckage of the event; the post-incident forensics have been a helpful training aid for that particular department when it comes to reconstructing the nature of a 'typical' Elite-Supervillain clash. However, even those visits have petered off lately as the very act of studying the site has further and further compromised its usefulness for training.     It starts in the Great Hall.     A thunder-crack sounds through the castle's empty halls, a subtle vibration humming through the floor and walls for several seconds, a hum that rattles the wreckage of clockwork soldiers and damaged stonework and broken stained glass. A perfectly ordinary door to a completely ordinary storage closet gains a blue-violet glow around its frame, pulsing against the marble and stone, growing brighter and brighter. Just as suddenly, the humming ceases, the lightshow fades, the vibration winds down.     It's about here that the silent alarm wards trip indicating an unauthorized portal connection to the castle has been established.     The door swings open inward, revealing not the tiny closet interior but a large... office? With a huge device as its centerpiece, constructed of metal and crystal and energized through cables snaking across an otherwise ordinary polished hardwood floor. There are desks in there, with really old computers on them. There's countless filing cabinets and a few tidy piles of folders and documents, and-- a lot of people. A dozen or so.     The first steps out of the office and into Castle Cinnuint, modest heels clicking on polished marble. Most standout is how remarkably short she is at just under four feet, and yet somehow still the tallest of the bunch. Lifting gloved hands, she claps them firmly together, "Alright, ladies and gents! New customer, let's leave a good impression!"     Turning around, cast in light from within the office, the deep blue apron and coal black dress of Maid Forewoman Kaleen of Goblin Cleanup LLC is plain to see. She gestures as she hands out roles, "We'll start with the entrance hall! First priority is clearing up all the debris, let's go!" Stepping back, still gesturing, "Once that's cleaned up we'll polish these floors 'til they shine. Get that slime cage in here!"     "Yasin wasn't predicting many traps in the entryway but that doesn't mean there aren't any!" she warns, "Stay alert! Stay efficient! Stay professional!"     "Also; whoever dies the least or ties for least gets a bonus," said with a bit less energy this time, as she eyes a few more rambunctious workers. Hopefully that'll encourage less than usual 'stab-assing' with the slime-mops.
Holly Asturias	Maid Phaa, of Goblin Cleanup LLC, is immediately behind Kaleen when they step through. There are no clicking heels with her - heavy duty combat boots thud when she walks, almost careless. Pale green skin, grey eyes, no makeup, pitch black hair in rough unkempt spikes, a streak of purple through them - which, originally, must have been a nice clean line through the hair, but now just looks like a mess. If she looks tired, it's because she is. If she looks like she doesn't want to be here, that's probably also true.     "Yea yea," is the matter-of-factly reply. The bonus? Doesn't care for it. She just wants to be done so she can go back to her manga.     She reaches for her thigh under her maid uniform, which is bloody in places, torn in others, and heavily reinforced in yet others, almost plated like armor, rusty armor and junk held together by fabric in the shape of a dress.     She produces a wand of lifting debris, from the dozens or so at her disposal. It's good, you see, because it only works on debris. That lamp? Can't lift it. That debris though? She starts guiding it like a conductor guides her song, making a neat pile in the corner for now.     "This place ain't as bloody as the hype made it sound it'd be. What gives? Heroes all make it deep in before dying or something? Unbalanced. Bad experience, I bet. Ugh. I thought this was like, top tier?"
Riku Asakura	Behind Forewoman Kaleen is a shorter goblin with thick glasses and short white hair.  He's helping to carry the slime cage because the last time he helped carry the mimic, he carried it backwards and was immediately eaten.  He's dressed in a tuxedo, black pants, and a coat with a white undershirt and a bowtie.  On his head is a very oversized black gallon hat, and on his back is a device that looks one part mop and one part weapon, the slime mop. Kliz, though sometimes nicknamed 'Klutz' helps set down the slime cage.  It, of course, lands on his foot, and he immediately jumps up on one foot, holding the injured foot with both hands.  "Ow ow..." he says, rubbing at the injury for a moment before standing on the foot again, testing it out and making sure nothing was broken.   'Yea yea,' "Oh, come on, don't be like that, we have to work really hard to make this place nice and clean!  We need to work together and put our backs into it!" Upbeat to a fault, it seems.  Kliz is already grabbing piles of debris and carrying them over to be eaten by the mimic.
Odette Raskins	Of the several goblins gathered today to  wipe down, sweep up, and generally just get everything in Castle Cinnuint in order, it's one of the shorter ones that cheers the loudest in response to the lead's rallying call. "Aye aye, bosslady! If it's mostly debris, you can leave it to me!" The high-pitched voice shouts in response, coming from a new hire that hasn't been around nearly long enough to lose the shine of excitement in her eyes yet. Maid Irina's already made the rookie mistake of wearing a light blue dress, too, and a white apron to match. She couldn't possibly be expecting it to remain that color after a cleanup job, right? She totally is. Bright green skin, big yellow eyes, and neat brown hair all come together in a hyper-energized package that will probably not offset her lack of general sense in the least, but she's certainly got more than enough drive to make up for Phaa's moe tired look. She's already sprinting off to get one of the aforementioned slime-mops sans slime, too, coming back moments later looking for a slime to stick onto the end of her tool of choice. "Oh! Oh! Is that bonus just for dying less than the rest, or do we get something for cleaning up the best?" She asks with an excited chitter, glancing over at the cage and then sprinting off again without even waiting for Kaleen's answer. She's got debris to gather up, after all, and the floors aren't going to polish themselves! "Not too bloody, but there could be all sorts of other stains. There could be oil spills, caked on grease, or all sorts of other scorches!"
Regulus	Amongst the goblins maids is a goblin with scarred face, one cutting over one eye which is glassier than the other and numerous other cuts across her face. She is muscular and has a pitchfork slung over one shoulder with a blue slime creature stabbed onto it with one eyeball and in her other hand is a spritzer bottle filled with red cleaning fluid. Her own hair is red and pulled back, cascading down to below her raist, and she wears a little maid headdress on her head. She takes a long drag out of the cigarette in her hands and shoves it into the mop which rapidly disintegrates it. "Whoever dies the least? Nice joke." She says. "Well a job's a job. If you die, mop up your own blood and spare the rest of us extra work." Gobura, The Red Spritz is a washed out former legendary maid who hasn't been the same since she died on a tough job years ago, but her cleaning skills used to be highly respected. Now she's here. She doesn't work well with the others. She takes a look around and frowns, "Looks like there's been a war here. Better clean out the glass first. A piece of glass you missed gets you before the traps do." She draws out a dustpan and gets to work sweeping the glass out of the way with an intense focused expression, methodically and by the book, but it's said that if she sees a mess big enough she might go berserk and onto a cleaning frenzy where she fails to distinguish between friend and foe, but surely that won't happen here. She specializes in taking care of thick greasy stains!
Madeleine Cadrasteia	ONE WEEK AGO     "Ugh, I hate paperwork... Whatever, I'll just sign the forms and pretend I read the handbook. Dad'll sort everything out for me anyway..."     EIGHT MINUTES AGO     "What do you MEAN I don't have my own office!?"     TWO MINUTES AGO     "S-slime? Mop?? BLOOD??? This is NOT what I signed up for. My dad works in HR, you know! Once he hears I've been assigned to... to THIS, there'll be hell to pay!"     ONE MINUTE AND THIRTY SECONDS AGO     "What do you MEAN you have a note from my dad!? Let me see that! Mm, hmm... 'HARD WORK BUILDS CHARACTER'!? He set me up! Aghhhh..."     NOW     Maid Intern Cordelia stands near the doorway in a state of undiluted shock. On one hand: the sleek black pantsuit she's wearing cost her two months' allowance! That's two more months than she usually saves up! On the other: that very same allowance hinges, if the note in her father's own handwriting is to be believed, on her attendance here. This all should be beneath her! She's not bought a *single* gourmet cupcake for *two months*! She deserves a reward, not a... a JOB!!!     "Get that slime cage in here!"     Cordelia remains frozen for a few seconds as she watches Kliz struggle to move the cage on his own. Everyone else has already set themselves to other tasks... after a long moment she sighs deeply, does her best to wipe the look of disgust off her own face (but fails), and marches up to help.     "Here, I guess I'll-- EUUUGHHHHH!! I can feel them STICKING to my GLOVES! Who decided we had to use these things, anyway!?" Her instinctive flinch away from the cage causes it to fall on Kliz's foot, and she automatically jumps into Blaming Someone Else mode. "Geez, watch where you're going with that! You're gonna hurt somebody *important* if you're not careful!" Nonetheless, she grits her teeth, stifles her noises of discomfort as best she can, and picks up her end of the cage again to carry the slimes out into the castle.
Lilian Rook	...Cast in near-darkness, all that lights your path is the illumination of gothic-coloured streaming god-rays from the windows on each side of you; until between each beam of light, shining golden candle stands light up one after another with eerie whooshes of ruby red flame, painting a dramatic line of revealing light all down the impossibly massive corridor. Chandeliers ignite overhead, and the marble floor reflects their amber glow, mingling with the other colours, such that, at the long shadows around the columns, the overlap of hues happens to look like the iris of the singularity above.     Then, from somewhere high above, you hear the steady notes of...     Wait! No! This isn't that! That was when it was all set up! You aren't part of a training group! What the fuck are you doing here now?!     Lilian had, honestly, completely forgotten that this property had alarm wards at all. Of course, it did, because she couldn't afford cheeky motherfuckers teleporting around to sneak in between groups and spy on everything while the staff was off-set, but the idea that they'd ever be relevant had promptly evapourated in her mind by the time that the adorable shopkeep Ritescu ended up 'killing' two heroes because . . . um . . . what was the reason again?     Her entry is delayed mostly out of bafflement; a solid minute and a half spent figuring out what the hell is going off and where. After that, there's thirty seconds of this and that and the other, and then she appears down at the head of the Grand Hall, announced only by sharp heel clicks and the crunch of broken glass and gravel underfoot.     "Hey! Hey! Who the hell are you people?! Where do you think you are?! Get out!" shouts Lilian-- a Lycoris? Is it? Isn't it a little ambiguous? She isn't using her stage presence or her character voice or anything, but . . .     Oh god why is she here and in costume?! Why is it disheveled?!     "I see that door right behind you! Don't you tell me it's an accident or you've been sent here from another world or any of that nonsense! This is private property! March your asses right back through that door before I throw them out you little--" In the midst of jabbing her finger towards the portal, Lilian hitches at the moment she recognizes that she is yelling at a pack of goblins dresses like . . . maids? And a butler too? "--oh my god are they sending people to the old site?! Did they really fuck it up that badly? Hey. Hey you lot are . . . you're like, themed mercenaries, right?"
Petra Soroka	As if summoned by the gathering of maids, joining them is the distinctly *non-goblin* Petra Soroka--     Oh, no. She's not actually joining them at all. In fact, she was already here before they barged in, for whatever reason, trailing awkwardly behind Lilian(a) when she storms out to confront the maid crew.     Petra is also wearing something similar to the costume she had on, a year and a half ago during the actual simulation runthrough, but it's looking much worse for wear. She has on a ruffled white shirt, smeared with ash and cut through with damage accumulated over seemingly a long dungeon excursion, with a laced up neckline and form-fitting black pants and gloves. Around her belt is an inventory bar of dungeon greebles like clock-gear themed keys and the Silver sheathe of a sword, and around her wrists are heavy black iron handcuffs whose chains scrape against the ground as she hastily waddles into the hallway. "Hey! Hey! Who the hell are you people?!"     Petra ineffectually spits her hair out of her mouth and shakes her head to get a clear look at the invading maids with wide eyes. "Oh my god, that wasn't a false alarm? There actually *are* people? What the fuck? And they're--"     Goblins in maid outfits??? There's only room for one bottom-heavy greasy creature in a maid outfit in this castle-- is not what she's thinking at all! She's dumfounded for a bit, hands weighed down enough to pull her into a slouch while she stares.     "... Is this a prank? Is this, like, a service you can call on someone? Like SWATting? Or mailing glitter bombs?"
Trudy Grimm	> "Ugh. I thought this place was like, top tier?"     There's a brief 'why must you test me?' sort of glance skyward when Phaa speaks up before Kaleen fixes her expression and addresses her disheveled Second, "Kobold Services certainly thought so, they really fought for the contract. Leave it to Yasin to come out on top."     "Kaleen!" "Kaleen!" "Head Maid Kaleen!"     The source of the shouting is a pair of identical twins; only discernable by the side their coppery red hair is tied up on. Twin pairs of bright green eyes bore into the head maid when she turns to address them and Kaleen finds herself staring at the smooth glass surface of an rather huge ornate brass-reinforced tank filled with blue jelly and the occasional pair of gormless all-white eyes. Carried by no fewer than four goblins at once.     "Where do you want it?" the pair asks in stereo.     "It clashes with the decor, so let's keep it out of the way," Kaleen steps back and points, "Set it up in that alcove there. Thank you, Cordelia, Kliz, Knick, Knack."     When Kliz gets his foot squished, the two younger girl goblins laugh, but at least help him get un-stuck. When Cordelia tries the blame game, they make a show of bickering with one another that eventually ends in the pair laughing. Knick (or was it Knack?) pulls the lever, spitting out a handful of bright blue slimes while Knack (or is that Knick?) stabs one on the end of a little trident. Once both are equipped, they march out into the main hall after Phaa. > "...or do we get something for cleaning up the best?"     "I'll have to run that by Yasin," Kaleen admits with a shrug, eyes closed, "She didn't say anything about that. Do your best, Irina."     "Ahh-- Gobura, I wasn't expecting you to be in today," Kaleen quickly adapts to the new challenge of the company's most dangerous ace, "I know I can trust you to be thorough so I'll leave final checks for glass to you." > "Who decided we had to use these things, anyway?!"     If Phaa and Gobura were tests for Kaleen, Cordelia is the boss level. All the challenge of working with a pampered princess but none of the whimsy of being able to say your coworker is a princess. The head maid closes her eyes and lets out a soft, long sigh; then addresses the newest of the new cleaning crew with an Aggressively Positive tone, "The Slimop was Yasin's invention! Since they can't die and they absorb so many different things, they're pretty much ideal for it. Now, if you don't want to *touch* these charming little boogers, maybe learn how to levitate things from Phaa."     The Sendslate in Kaleen's hand chirps, drawing her attention to it, "Ah? Oh, Yasin. We just got started at Cinnuint. Seems like Lady Lycoris might be out at the moment."     "Well," The director's image on the Slate shakes her head, "I don't think our welcome package arrived, it seems like the Dimensional Door triggered an alarm. She wasn't expecting us to be here."     "Oh..."
Trudy Grimm	> "Hey! Hey! Who the hell are you people?!"     "Ahahaha..." Confronted with Lilian Rook at exactly the moment she was just warned that the castle's owner never got the message that they were even showing up, Kaleen has been caught completely flat-footed. All the head maid can do is laugh nervously.     "Oh for-- Kaleen! Hold me up!" > ". . . oh my god are they sending people to the old site?! Did they really fuck it up that badly? Hey. Hey you lot are . . ."     Obligingly, Kaleen holds up her Sendslate. The goblin on the other end taps something, projecting her image above the runic stone to appear much larger and easier to see at this distance; She's very much also a goblin, skin a touch on the darker side of green, bright blue eyes behind square-rimmed glasses, and dark hair done up in a professional bun. Contrasting those working (or distracted) in the castle proper, her choice is a navy blue belted dress with a plunging neck. The white blouse underneath keeps it professional, with ruffles around the neckline.     "Lady Liliana Lycoris, Queen of the Hungering Star! I do apologize for the unexpected intrusion!" In sincere apology, the Director claps her hands together and bows her head forward, "I also apologize that it took so long! Normally we would be on-site within a day or two but there were complications with a competitor."     Settling down, Yasin folds her hands together, "We sent a welcome package but it seems that was lost in the mail." Because Castle Cinnuint and even the village of Glascail aren't even REAL PLACES, but she clearly doesn't know that, "I represent Goblin Cleanup LLC, and these..." Her image gestures to the maids and butler, "...are my employees. We are here to put your castle back in order. But you said this is the old site? I'm *so sorry*! If we had gotten here sooner, Lady Lycoris, you might not have had to abandon such a fine fortress... We'll get it back together for you!" > "... Is this a prank?     Popping up somewhere behind Petra, it's the twins from before, the slimes on their mops a bit grody already from cleaning up the floors near the entrance deeper into the castle proper.     "SWATting?" "Glitter bomb?"     "Don't get any ideas, you two!" Kaleen shouts at them while still holding Yasin's image.
Regulus	Gobura is visibly annoyed due to the antics of Maid Intern Cordelia. She's less concerned about those who will inevitably make half as much a mess as she has to clean up because that's just normal, but the idea of an intern who is not serious about cleaning makes her uneasy. It is a serious job for serious people and it's the people who try to skip steps that are the ones that end up dragging the rest of the team down with them. She gives Cordelia a dead eye stare for a moment as she's working on shoving stained glass into a bag through her dustbin. She's not someone who engages in excess talking or excess elaboration. But she is distracted by something which is namely their supposed client of the day wondering why they are here. "Oi, Head Maid." She says. "It sounds like this isn't a job they agreed to have us undertake yet." She stops work immediately and leans against the wall. She doesn't interfere in the explanation, partially because she's wondering what it is herself at this point, before she lets out a long sigh. She feels like she put out her cigarette too soon. "Does it look like a prank?" Gobura says, too serious to consider the idea that yes obviously it does look like a prank. "We're maids, professionals, Lady Liliana Queen of the Hungering Star we're here to clean the place up. You want to hire us or should we fuck off? If the latter, sorry for the trouble we'll get out of your hair, but if you pick us for the job we'll be here until it's spotless and perfectly tidy." She glances to Cordelia warningly. "We'll make sure of it."
Odette Raskins	"Do your best, Irina." "Aye aye! We'll get in and out before anyone even notices we were here! Come on, Miss Cordelia! Come on, Phaa! If you work together, I bet neither of you'll have anything to mess up your gloves!" Irina boasts with a confident giggle, just moments before she hears the shouting of Lilian indicating that they will not, in fact, be finishing up before anyone notices. She's not even sure the gloves will be enough, but someone has to try and put some smiles on their faces. Despite the castle's owner suddenly showing up to shout at the crew, and despite so many dour and less-than-enthused faces here, the eager maid doesn't even flinch. No, she's coming right up to Lilian and Petra with a wide-eyed smile, twirling her slime-mop around deftly before snapping it against her shoulder and dipping into a curtsey that practically touches the floor. No, not practically. She's short enough that the bottom of her dress DOES just brush the floor. "Hello, Duchess Ma'am! Oh, and your..." Irina pipes in, cheery as ever while looking between the two rapidly. That IS the right title for someone in this position, right? She clearly owns the place, after all, and she's even wearing a costume befitting a mysterious castle-owner! Heck, she's even got a minion trailing behind her, or... "Oh! Is she a prisoner? Hello, Miss Prisoner!" Irina greets excitedly, spying the iron handcuffs around Petra's wrists and letting out a loud 'ooooh'. "No accident, nope, and not mercenaries! We're here from Goblin Cleanup LLC to-" She starts gabbing excitedly, pausing halfway through once she realizes she might be overstepping her bounds. This sort of explanation should be left to Kaleen, shouldn't it?  She's still beaming with excitement even as she leaves Kaleen to clear the air, swaying on the balls of her feet while glancing around eagerly once again. "Old site? Oh, don't worry, we'll get this one looking good as new before you know it!" She boasts proudly,  looking ready to bolt and get back to cleaning, yet stopping herself in favor of not making their employers think she's rude or anything like that. "Oh, oh! Did you have any special requests for Miss Prisoner's dungeon? We could get it as clean as you'd like, or we could leave it tastefully grimy if you want it to look just right without the mess!"
Riku Asakura	'You're gonna hurt somebody *important* if you're not careful!' Kliz looks apologetic to Cordelia, even though /he/ was the one hurt.  "Uh.. s-sorry.  It just seemed to slip..." not at all realizing that it was Cordelia letting go that had caused it to nearly crush his foot.  He's thankful to Knick and Knack.  Hilariously, he actually always manages to name them correctly.  How?   Probably, literal, blind luck given his eyesight. He's carrying a large pile of debris by the time Lilian and Petra come.  There are so many questions that he doesn't know the answer to!  Thankfully, their boss was on the line and could handle that, because he didn't want to get zapped, thrown, or otherwise brutalized by Lilian Rook or Petra Soroka.   Though he IS a bit starstruck at two of the sector's biggest... Well, Lilian is a hero; Petra was a villain.  So biggest presences?  It's enough to cause him to whisper to Phaa, "Think they'll sign an autograph?" Unfortunately, he gets too close to the mimic.  The debris is eaten up.  However, he's still too close to the mimic; the moment it's done, he's still staring at the hostess.   CRUNCH Moments later, he's stumbling out of the portal again, looking disoriented.  If Gobura had been changed by one death, he seemed immune to change due to the several deaths he seemed to go through on a mission.
Madeleine Cadrasteia	"The Slimop was Yasin's invention!"     Well, I'll just have to give this Yasin lady a piece of my-- AAIEEEEE!!" Cordelia screams as the slimes tumble free of their cage, leaping back from what she expects to be an impending unholy mess. When she sees instead that the slimes are a) fairly self-contained and b) sucking up the stains from the floor, she relents and tentatively pokes one onto the end of her mop. "And we just- rub them on things until the things are clean?" she asks, as intrigued as she is disgusted. "Well, all of you had better stay clear of me, because this suit is steam clean only. No slimes!"     Begrudgingly, Cordelia gets to work, holding her slimop at arm's length to keep as far away from the stains and smudges as possible. With enough time she might invent a technique for cleaning *beyond* the reach of her slimop, but for now she's just holding the mop by its very end and clumsily waving it at the assorted messes in the room.     "Hey! Hey! Who the hell are you people?! Where do you think you are?! Get out!"     "You want to hire us or should we fuck off?"     "But-but-but my allowance!" Cordelia pouts at Gobura. "I can't afford to have it revoked!" Then, turning to Lilian, "If you're going to send us packing then I DEMAND you at least leave us a good review. A young lady's allowance depends on it!"
Holly Asturias	"We need to work together and put our backs into it!"     "Oh my god I'm going to--" "Not too bloody, but there could be all sorts of other stains. There could be oil spills, caked on grease, or all sorts of other scorches!"     "Yea I know!" "Better clean out the glass first."     "We have shoes! For that!" She does, at least. "You're gonna hurt somebody *important* if you're not careful!"     "I'm gonna hurt somebody *un*important at this rate," Phaa says, slamming a large boulder into another large boulder with her wand in a fit of annoyance and impact. Technically it reduces the amount of visible debris! Somehow! "I see that door right behind you!"     "Huh? Well yeah where else are we gonna put our stuff other than through the door. We're here to clean up not move in, gross. You the boss lady? 'course you're the boss lady look at you. Ugh, okay. Might be some spunk to this place after all. So, spit it out. What's the most urgent? You got a top floor covered in like, blood stains and brain matter? 'cuz the longer you leave that out the harder it is to clean." "Like SWATting? Or mailing glitter bombs?"     "Oh damn those shackles fuckin' *go*, girl. What's the theme, chained beast? Sick. The kind that talks or the kind that growls? You like a, 'grrrr' chained dog type biter or a 'it was for everybody's good I was chained' type poster?" The idle metallic clanks and clangs of her dress' shoddily reinforced parts, as she moves, make it obvious enough why she's into the shackled and chained look. "Think they'll sign an autograph?"     "I'unno maybe? Why, you want one of 'em to sign your thigh your somethin' like that?" Phaa squints at Kliz, then exhales with a, "Ugh. Waste of time."
Lilian Rook	'Oh my god, that wasn't a false alarm? There actually *are* people? What the fuck?'     "Shut up Petra!" Lilian(a etc.) shouts, instantly pushing the top of her range. "I told you to--! Why did you even come down here?!" Unfortunately, she doesn't exactly look shocked at Petra's state, much less surprised that she's here too. The ominous tropey manacles don't even draw a glance from her, ridiculous jingling and all. "How did you even get down here?" That question knocks her furious little tirade down a second stage. She openly stares at Petra for the time it takes Kaleen to hold up the screen.     'Lady Liliana Lycoris, Queen of the Hungering Star!'     Lilian turns her head to look on actual name-recognition reflex. Which sure did come in handy as for authenticity during the eight consecutive performances with various Elites, and was worth drilling in at the time, but reallydoesn't help things now. She tilts her head (god the evil VFX halo still works and everything; she's got the black hole backlight on lock), stares at yet another goblin, at a desk, and blankly asks "Is this a bit?" The worst part is that she got fifteen percent of her character voice back.         'We sent a welcome package but it seems that was lost in the mail.'     "No no no, hang on. Start from the top." Lilian says. She waves one hand back and forth to somehow try and interrupt someone on the other end of a Teams meeting (black satin gloves and baroque gold bangles and all), pinches the bridge of her nose with the other, and takes a deep breath. "'We' who? Why are you sending me things? Why here?"     'I represent Goblin Cleanup LLC, and these...'     Lilian opens her mouth (this was where she started using the green lipstick huh), closes it again, and says, "That answers so very little right now." Unfortunately, this clearly situates the goblins as The Help, and so it's unavoidable that she begins acting like she already has some sort of preestablished working understanding. "I-- Don't recall ever asking for a cleanup detail?" she says. Then her eyes roll off into the Thinking Corner, and she taps her cheek with her fingertip (scar hidden under stage makeup), to begin contemplating the possibility that someone in the Paladins hired a company to clean the place up for when it'd be passed to the organization, and fucked up their paperwork so badly they only arrived now after Lilian spent so long fighting to buy it off them. Which seems . . . implausible. But.     "Abandon? No it's-- Well it's not in use right now, I suppose." says Lilian, in full costume, with a captive 'hero' behind her. "But I have a cleaning lady." which is Cecilia, who is not here and not in costume. "This is . . ."     There's still gargoyle rubble and animate armour pieces on the floor. A bunch of the magic candleabras are broken. A chandelier is a small mountain of gold and crystal right in front of the stairs.     Lilian points at Petra immediately. "Her fault. It's not-- This isn't-- The situation is under control?" The longer she talks, the more flustered she starts sounding. And thirty percent character voice. "No, no, really, whoever called you in has made a disaster of the paperwork. They can't be sending you here; this is still my property, in-use or not."
Lilian Rook	'Hello, Duchess Ma'am! Oh, and your...'     "Duchess?" Lilian makes the mouth-shape for the 'wh' syllable, and then gives up, because someone is pointing out Petra and oh god-- "No! Yes! It's complicated!" she shouts, in sequence. "I don't remember it being any of your business, actually! Stop asking!"     'Oh, oh! Did you have any special requests for Miss Prisoner's dungeon?'     "I have a dungeon!!" That was a both fists down one! Wow! "There's an entire-- Well the underground one over the river is empty right now but--"     'If you're going to send us packing then I DEMAND you at least leave us a good review.'     "Ha?! Really now? You demand?" And now she's responding to hero-bratting. "Your allowance? Is that right? Well young lady, right now your life depends on getting out of--"     She flinches at the crunch. "Jesus Christ! What are you doing?! Is that a treasure mimic?!"     'You the boss lady? 'course you're the boss lady look at you. Ugh, okay. Might be some spunk to this place after all.'     Lilian begins, extraordinarily foul-tempered, "THE BOSS OF WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU STILL IN MY CASTLE?! I'M NOT EVEN PAYING YOU!" but then something else makes her flip out in a different direction.     'What's the most urgent? You got a top floor covered in like, blood stains and brain matter?'     "Excuse me?!" she gasps, hand presses to her collarbone. "That's none of your business thank you very much! And it's nothing urgent!"     Unfortunately, there is something urgent, actually! Petra came on a little heroine tear through here, with all of the traps and minions set to Enrichment; which means that all of the stuff that can be replaced with money or fixed with magic still works, and Lilian didn't exactly have time to turn it off. So when goblins go wandering off to clean in any direction, those super-ornate, ominous gold candlestands and their rows of baleful ruby flames-- well, the handful that are still in working order, automatically trigger. Lilian can't even get all the way into having a tantrum before magical fire projectiles are being shot at stray workers automatically!
Holly Asturias	"They can't be sending you here; this is still my property, in-use or not."     Phaa perks up opportunistically. "Oh yea? Damn. Oh no. Guess we can pack up and go then. Oh noooooooo." She looks at Kaleen, because it is clearly not going to be that easy to get a day off.     She reaches under her rattling skirt, pulls out a wand of repairing light sources, and flicks it with a magical purple trail that causes the incredibly ornate gold and crystal chandelier to no longer be a pile that used to be a chandelier, but very much a chandelier again!     It is on the floor though.     "See? Not a bit. 'nyway careful with those they can blow up when they're freshly fixed. Dibs on not putting that thing back where it goes."     She motions towards Cordelia.     "You're up, princess." "Is that a treasure mimic?!"     "Yea? You never seen one feed? Great for cleaning up you know. They'll eat about anything. Anyone too." Phaa says this like one explains that water is wet, incredulous that a high-profile villain like Lilian(a) would not know about mimics and already convinced she's being difficult for the game. "That's none of your business thank you very much!"     "It's my *business*," Phaa rumbles, disrespectful and bratty and a bit presenting her experises, "Because I need to know if we have to use the *regular* slime or the premium citrus slime that'll get rid of months-old stains. So spit it out! When's the last time you misted a hero and didn't clean? Any carpets? God tell me you didn't spread guts all over carpet."     The sound of traps being set off in the halls doesn't seem to bother Phaa. She wants to make this *efficient* so she needs *the deets* and she needs them now! She'll surely be bothered by the traps five deaths in though.
Petra Soroka	""Lady Liliana Lycoris, Queen of the Hungering Star!"     Petra blandly commentates to Lilian as this plays out in front of the two of them like a two-bit ironically disaffected character in a comedy movie. She props her shackles up on one of the engraved stone plinths lining the hall as decoration to take the weight off of her shoulders.     "Huh. They're actually informed. You're so in demand for... whatever this is, that there's *competing contracts*." "I represent Goblin Cleanup LLC, and these..."     "An *LLC*? Next they're gonna say they're legally based in Delaware for tax reasons." "If we had gotten here sooner, Lady Lycoris, you might not have had to abandon such a fine fortress... We'll get it back together for you!"     "Yeah, Your Majesty." Petra smooshes her cheek into her shackles, smugly looking aside at Liliana. "Shame about your fine fortress." "How did you even get down here?"     Petra tries to scoff, but she can't lift her hands high enough to put a fist up to cover her mouth, so she kind of squats down a bit to duck her chin behind the manacles. "You're still underestimating me, Queen Liliana." Oh so she's just doing this to torment her. The situation is ridiculous enough that Petra can't keep up a character voice without giggling to herself. "Your lair isn't nearly as impregnable as you assumed." "SWATting?" "Glitter bomb?"     "--Oh Jesus Christ!"     Petra startles at the goblins behind her, jumping and whipping around to look at the source of the sudden noise. The inertia of twisting around compounds with the weight of her shackles and swings her around like a flail, yanking her off-balance and crashing to the floor. Struggling back up to one knee completely undoes all the work she did in shaking her hair out of her face, so she's blind again. "Oh! Is she a prisoner? Hello, Miss Prisoner!"     "Nooouuuu. I'm not a prisoner." Petra whines a bit while tilting her head back and forth until her hair swings out of her face enough to see. She narrows her eyes at Irina once she can see her, and perceives absolutely zero irony in any expression that anyone here is making. "Huh? Wait, how far are you guys buying into the bit, anyways? What's even going on here?"     Petra sighs and then does her darndest to flip her hair over her shoulder while her hands are bound. "Fine. I'm not a *prisoner*. I'm Prince Silke, the hero and liberator of this land, and you've just caught me at a bad *time*." "You like a, 'grrrr' chained dog type biter or a 'it was for everybody's good I was chained' type poster?"     "I'm not a dog." Petra sniffs, having heaved her shackles up high enough to prop them against something again. "And your feeble attempts at humiliating me through symbolic lampshading of my current condition won't go anywhere. Whatever this is, you're on Queen Liliana's payroll."
Petra Soroka	"This is . . . her fault."     Petra fails to contain her laughter once she's explicitly blamed for the state of the castle. After the initial shock of being barged in on, this seems like a situation that's both entirely harmless and also *only* trouble for Lilian, in the couch-cushiony way that usually gets reserved for Petra, so Petra commits fully to the bit until Lilian actually gets mad.     "If you're willing to admit that one person could do this much damage to your castle, maybe you aren't as all-powerful as you thought you were, eheh." Petra leans on her elbow to keep herself upright, very possibly injured for real. "But it looks like you were too hasty in trying to clean up like I was never here, before you've even gotten rid of me."     The moment the goblin maids start triggering a cascade of traps with their wandering, Petra takes advantage of the chaos herself. She shoots Lilian an unbelievably smug look, and then bolts off through the magical fire smoke, expertly rolling and weaving to dodge the traps with her wrists still stuck together.
Trudy Grimm	Gobura might have been a part of Goblin Cleanup LLC since before Yasin became the current director; she certainly has the dedication to cleaning up the castles and lairs of villains in the aftermath of adventurers trashing the place. She's even got the mission statement down, echoing Yasin in so many words. Heck, maybe she came with the building. > "Hello, Duchess Ma'am!"     "Queen," Kaleen gently corrects Irina, "It's in her title, which is *fantastic* by the way." CRUNCH     Yasin's image flinches. Kaleen flinches.     Knick and Knack lean out from either side of behind Petra, then start laughing when Kliz re-enters right about when the mimic has finished chewing on what's left of his first life of the day.     "Lifestone works!" "Lifestone works!" > "Well, all of you had better stay clear of me, because this suit is steam clean only."     The slime on the end of Cordelia's slimop blinks gormlessly, on eye at a time. There is not a single, solitary thought going on there. > "A young lady's allowance depends on it!"     "Don't demand things from our customer," the head maid chides the bratty upstart.     "And of course; our services are fully covered through the Guild, so you don't have to worry about a thing!" Yasin quickly covers the compensation; there isn't any expectation at all from the work crew. Also hold on a second, there's a guild? What? When did Lilian join a fantasy villain guild? Or was she just so convincing the Guild give her a membership and that got lost in the mail too!?
Trudy Grimm	> "So, spit it out. What's the most urgent?"     Phaa asks about any place that's especially caked in gore, which is just part of the job. Kaleen busies herself with slotting colored glass back into one of the stained-glass windowframes, "Also if you have any guardian beasts, Knick and Knack are trained in animal handling. We can get their lair cleaned up in no time."     "We love cute animals!" Knick frames her eye with a V-sign from the left.     "Dragon or chimera or whatever!" Knack mirrors the gesture from the right.     "Even krakens!" "Even krakens!" > "I-- Don't recall ever asking for a cleanup detail?"     Kaleen has to gesture for what she's doing, which causes Yasin's image to bob from side to side with her hand motions; she's pulling reformed glass shards out of the mimic's mouth with a levitation spell and hoisting it up to where it belongs.     "Oh, forgive me, I forgot to include my name in all that; I'm Yasin, the company director," The imaged businessgoblin lifts her hands a bit, "It's normal for villains new on the scene to be pretty nervous when we show up, but I promise, we've helped countless overlords! As for how we knew the castle had been ... 'Adventuerer'd', well..." She closes her eyes with a grin, "Company secret." > "Jesus Christ! What are you doing?! Is that a treasure mimic?!"     "Occupational hazard. The Lifestone helps keep the greenhorns from paying a permanent price," Kaleen explains. When the candlestick traps start to activate, she only shifts her position slightly to let fireballs slip past while she works, "They're dangerous, obviously, but they're also really good as garbage bins! If one is careful--" That word seems extra sharp and she hangs on it long enough for her eyes to wander until her gaze finds Kliz again, "--they're almost as reliable as the slimes. We'll make sure none are left behind once we're done though, I promise! We are professionals who execute every job with elegance and precision."
Trudy Grimm	> "--Oh Jesus Christ!"     Knick and Knack laugh in eerie stereo when Petra whirls around and throws herself off-balance, deftly ducking the flailing chains while the poor girl hits the floor. In perfect sync, the twins fold their hands behind their backs and lean forward, *somehow* being granted the honor of towering over a human in spite of their diminuative height, "A princess!" "A princess!" "Not what I expected." "No, not at all."     Straightening back up, the twin maids address Lilian directly, speaking once more in perfect stereo, "Shall we clean this up for you as well, Lady Lycoris?"
Madeleine Cadrasteia	"You're up, princess."     "I- Why, I should- Very WELL!" Cordelia huffs. After taking a moment to appreciate the chandelier (shiny! gold and crystal!), Cordelia begins to walk around it in a slow circle. She hmms and ahhs and makes a great show of thinking *very hard* about how to approach this. Finally, she settles on a plan.     "Kliz, come here."     "You will lift the chandelier with this 'levitation' you all seem capable of, and when it gets very high up I will fasten it once more to the ceiling, thank you very much." She clambers up onto the chandelier's structure and snaps her fingers at the freshly-respawned Kliz, waiting for someone who actually knows how to do this job to step in and do the literal heavy lifting.     Petra heroposting at Lilian     Cordelia cannot contain her excitement. Wow! she exclaims, eyes sparkling. A genuine, bona fide *prince*!? How many castles do you own? Do you go to parties? Do you chase after eligible young ladies who lose their shoes? Do you- oh my goodness, I can't believe I'm really getting to meet a prince! Eeeeeek!" She kicks her little feet with glee. "Come on, Kliz! Lift me! We have to put on a good showing for the priiiiiince~"
Regulus	Gobura looks to Kliz but he has apparently been killed by himself enough times that she isn't too perturbed by seeing him die again. It seems to bounce off his skin, which unnerves her a little bit. It also bothers her a lot that her teammates are setting off every trap in the <s>facility</s> fortress. It's more cleaning for her but she knows that she can't exactly stop goblin maids from cleaning, you might as well ask the sun to stop shining, or Petra to stop jumping and climbing. She's halfway through marching right back out through the portal rather than continue to work but Yasin insisting that this is their job after all really leaves her no choice. She isn't being paid by Liliana Lycoris the Queen of the Hungering Star here, she is paid by someone with the title of businessgoblin. "Well, suppose it isn't the first time we cleaned up a place against the will of the owner." She draws her mop, sprays her spritz bottle into the slime on her mop and closes her eyes before swinging the mop in a wide downward strike.             VERTICAL SWEEP The cleaning fluid and slime lash out over a wide area, leaving an entire hallway clean and faintly glistening with red cleaning fluid in a single strike! Kliz might be struck by the impact but that's okay with her.
Riku Asakura	'Why, you want one of 'em to sign your thigh your somethin' like that?' "What?  No, of course not, I have an autograph book like a normal person would!"  He pulls it out, and it's actually quite empty.  "I uh... haven't met many famous people yet..." he admits, dejectedly.  "But... I am sure the longer I work here, the more I'll meet!  Like today!" 'Is that a treasure mimic?!' "Uh yeah!  It's what we throw trash into.  They eat everything.  Also used up slimes," he says proudly, messing with his glasses again.   'Lifestone works!' 'Lifestone works!' Kliz nods to the twins.  "It sure does... thankful for that!" More of the back and forth between the management.  Well, he's used to that!  Sometimes contracts are difficult.   'It's normal for villains new on the scene to be pretty nervous when we show up,' 'I'm Prince Silke, the hero and liberator of this land, and you've just caught me at a bad *time*.' "But that's Lilian Rook; she's a big hero in the sector, not a villain?" he also looks at Petra. "And that's Petra Soroka?  I don't understand what's going on here..." a pause. "I guess I am not paid to actually understand what's going on!" 'If you're going to send us packing then I DEMAND you at least leave us a good review.' 'Ha?! Really now? You demand?' "H-hey, you can't just demand a good review from the customer.  You have to work very hard to get that!  A glowing review is everything in the business, but only if you actually make the customer happy... and she doesn't sound too happy right now with you!" 'Traps.' Kliz stabs a slime with his slimemop and starts cleaning the floors.  Specifically, the ash burned stone.  This, of course, puts him in the eye of firebolts.  He screams and burns to a crisp a minute later.   He's through the door another minute later, stabbing another slime and attempting to now clean up his corpse and another stain.  The same thing happens again. The third time is the charm; he manages to clean up his own corpse AND the ash stains.  He barely manages to avoid death.  He looks very proud of himself. 'Kliz, come here.' "Huh, oh sure!" He levitates the chandelier up... but he's blind as a bat; he needs very careful instruction as to where to actually send it.  He also accidentally drops it once, on himself.   Walking out of the portal again, he runs back over to levitate the chandelier up again! 'VERTICAL SWEEP' Kliz is smacked by the incredible power of Gobura and immediately falls over, dropping the chandelier again, crushing himself.  Once more, he falls out of the portal. "Ok... ok... best of three!"
Odette Raskins	"No! Yes! It's complicated!" "I understand." Irina lies blatantly, although her next statement is most definitely not a lie because she knows the importance of DISCRETION! "No questions asked, just a good deep clean! Then it'll be good and ready for whatever and whoever else you want it ready for." She asserts with a quick salute, kicking a leg up slightly in her excitemewnt. "I have a dungeon!!" "I see, I see...!" Nodding rapidly, Irina puts her thumb and index finger up against her chin while committing the information to memory. "Then if I start on that one, I can get the gunk down to river, and then clean up the river so good that you can see right into it from the dungeon! Then any crocodiles you've got in there would be extra easy to see." "Think they'll sign an autograph?" "Oh! Oh! Good idea. Then you'll have a souvenir for-" And then Kliz gets eaten by a mimic. Unlike Kliz and Gobura, Irina's new enough that even seeing a death like that is enough to terrify her, complete with wibbling eyes and quivering lips. "Mister Kliz...! Aaah, are you okay?!" She asks the obviously wrong questions, hurrying over to check on him and make sure he's able to walk right! In her haste, however, she runs right in front of the very same treasure mimic. ---- Coming out of the same portal Kliz had just exited from, Irina looks like she's trying her damndest not to cry. She really wants to, especially since she's just made the same, if not bigger mess than Kliz did. She just knows that's going to set them back a couple of minutes, if not hours! "Guehhh.... I'm sorry, Bosslady Kaleen! I'm sorry, Duchess-" "Queen," "It's in her title, which is *fantastic* by the way." "-Oh! Queen Liliana!" She apologizes with a clumsy bow at the waist, far less rookie-regal than her earlier curtsey. Still misty-eyed, Irina takes a deep breath to get her head back on straight, then picks up her slimop and wipes her face off with her sleeve. "Don't worry. That's just a little setback, so we'll get any disasters fixed right up!" And so, Irina's finally getting back to work after that bit of near-crying, finally getting a chance to truly show her stuff! She's rushing down hallways with slimop in hand, practically scraping the poor thing along corners and digging gunk out of the floor at a fever pace. Is it blood? Is it dirt? Is it loose masonry? Whatever it is, she's getting it all bunched right up, and she only stops to pick something up when it's clear that the slimop isn't going to shlorp it right up inside of itself. Even the candle traps, flame-blasting and active as they are, are no match for the eager rookie's raw speed! There's plenty of close calls, sure, and her dress and apron are looking worse for wear the more she scurries about wiping everything down. With the power of paying moderate attention to her surroundings AND the power of being really fast, however, She's actually pulling off some impressively agile maneuvers to get even the candlestands themselves properly cleaned off in-between gouts of fire.
Lilian Rook	'Yea? You never seen one feed? Great for cleaning up you know. They'll eat about anything. Anyone too.'     "I know what it is!" Lilian snaps. "I want to know why you brought that thing in here instead of something sensible!" She throws up her hand at arm's length. "And don't even bother telling me 'because it's the best thing for the job'! I just saw it--" That guy is okay? These guys are immortal? What the fuck? Her eyes keep jumping back and forth in utter disbelief. "Make another mess!" Yeah. That's the problem here.     'An *LLC*? Next they're gonna say they're legally based in Delaware for tax reasons.'     "Oh what are you babbling about now?" Lilian says. Whines. A little. She draws out the W at least.     'Yeah, Your Majesty. Shame about your fine fortress.'     There it is. Exactly what she was expecting.     §Shame about your bomber jacket, twat.§     "Shame about your evening plans. They're about to be in a much sorrier state now, aren't they?"     Nobody knows whether the though and speech bubbles were mixed up or aligned correctly at that moment. Not even Lilian. But it's fine. It's fine. Everything is fine. Because--     'Nooouuuu. I'm not a prisoner.'     'I'm not a dog.'     'I'm Prince Silke, the hero and liberator of this land, and you've just caught me at a bad *time*.'     Everyone has realized that Petra is the little loser they all have to bully, so everything is right and the universe is already healing.     "No, no, I believe 'dog' was more accurate. They're only a little bit early."     'If you're willing to admit that one person could do this much damage to your castle, maybe you aren't as all-powerful as you thought you were, eheh.'     Lilian squints at Petra. Between just her and the cleanup crew, she's pretty sure she could figure out what level of bit everyone is on, but Petra makes this a three body problem, and thus infinitely more complex. "What the fuck are you even on about?" she groans. "Are you actually just shameless? I'm not keeping this up with you. They're right there."     'It's in her title, which is *fantastic* by the way.'     "Thank . . . you?" Lilian blinks. She'd workshopped it of course, but it's odd hearing that after so long. "You do know about the--" She mimes pressing her hands together around something invisible. "Black hole, don't you?"     'And of course; our services are fully covered through the Guild, so you don't have to worry about a thing!'     "Sorry? Beg pardon? The guild?" Lilian's attention is strung along even closer to completely genuine now. The less this sounds like it has to do with bungled Paladins cleanup left in paperwork limbo, the more concerning it starts to get. She looks left, right, blinks, and says "What guild? Did someone sign me up for something? Because I truly don't appreciate that."     'Even krakens!'     'Even krakens!'     "Oh we already moved Rita." Lilian says.     'So spit it out! When's the last time you misted a hero and didn't clean? Any carpets? God tell me you didn't spread guts all over carpet.'     Hero bratting. Or worse. Something weirder. This causes Goblin Cleanup Crew LCC's combo proration rate to hit maximum and the endless light attack juggle to drop. Shellshocked into bland acceptance for a moment, Lilian's metaphorical meter starts sparking. "No. Let's be clear for a moment. Whatever this is, whoever hired you, don't believe for a minute I won't turn you inside out if you continue to imply I'm some sort of virulent slob. Do we understand one another?"
Lilian Rook	It doesn't even strike her until a minute later to explain that there are, of course, no hero guts anywhere. Right around--     It's normal for villains new on the scene to be pretty nervous when we show up, but I promise, we've helped countless overlords!'     "Wait wait wait hang on a moment--" It is at this moment that Lilian, too, realizes that she is between the cosmic couch cushions. "Villain? Overlord? Are you-- There's either been a catastrophic misunderstanding or you're being had." Lilian points at Kliz and says. "He seems to understand. 'Liliana Lycoris' is just a stage name." Then she points at the hallway and says " This is a test castle. It's for simula--" right before the candles start automatically shooting workers.     "No no no no no no Off! Stop! Oh my-- STOP!" Waving her arms around for a control crew that isn't here, because they've gone back to their normal jobs a year ago, Lilian winces as poor Kliz is obliterated mid-explanation (which would have actually helped her) and quickly traces out the emergency deactivation sign a second too late.     "I'm so serious! You can't be here! There was originally a whole-- There was a simulation thing!" Lilian shouts, nervously gesticulating already. "People had protective devices! Enchantments! Whatever! We had monitor staff and everything! It's not safe!" She feels stupid in the middle of even saying it, after the mimic and all.     'Come on, Kliz! Lift me! We have to put on a good showing for the priiiiiince~'     "She's not a prince! She's a liar and a brat and she's just fucking with me!"     'Well, suppose it isn't the first time we cleaned up a place against the will of the owner.'     "Well don't do that!!"     'I understand. No questions asked, just a good deep clean!'     "And don't make it sound so indecent!!"     'Then if I start on that one...'     "No! There are spikes and pits and acid-- Are you even listening?!"     By the point the goblin she's talking to walks in front of the same fucking mimic and is gobbled to death right in front of her, Lilian is stunned into just pressing her hands over her mouth and trying to remember how to breathe.     "Wait."     She remembers something else first. Something much more important than breathing. Looking around the miraculously cleaned Grand Hall, she can't spot a single place where rubble or fallen decor could actually hide--     "Where's Petra?"     She wheels around to look at-- No, that's a coincidence. Gebura would be so mad if she knew she thought that. "Did you see where she went? Hello? It's actually really important."
Riku Asakura	'Whatever this is, whoever hired you, don't believe for a minute I won't turn you inside out if you continue to imply I'm some sort of virulent slob.' Kliz, distractedly, looks back up at Lilian.  "We would never imply that!  We understand adventurers happen, and they're rough, undisciplined, unruly, messy, and generally uncooth.  We're here to clean up after they storm your castle and make a mess of things, that's all!" he says, proud of himself, because he feels the job is important! 'He seems to understand. 'Liliana Lycoris' is just a stage name.' Kliz understands very much!  "Yeah, that's Lilian Ro-" The chandelier falls again because he is distracted.  By this point, he really should stop standing under it. Out of the portal, he sighs.  "This is going to take forever to clean up." 'Did you see where she went?' "Oh, she just disappeared!" Kliz says, taking off his thick glasses and starting to clean them.  "Oh wow, I wonder if she can use invisibility magic!" "I can go find her!" he says, dashing down one of the hallways.  A minute later, he walks out of the portal.  "Um... acid pit."
Lilian Rook	Petra knows exactly where she's going. Much to everyone's (just Lilian's) misfortune), she's already run it so many times. Past the Grand Hall is the convoluted and deadly stairs, one side of which is still armed, then the beautiful little white marble atrium in that 'ethereal old ruin this place was built on' style, with the underground river flowing under magically reinforced glass (Ritescu's shop is empty, sadly, though the stained glass mirror portals incidentally do still work to get there), and then after that . . .     It's the main corridor that runs through the entire ground level; all sunset gold architecture and ocean soft upholstery with cool gemstone lights, a 'sky sportal'-type artificial ceiling, and the everpresent non-stop ominous Tick Tock of the vast and inscrutable gearworks that crowds the upper bridges and galleys with lethal platforming hazards, from giant pendulums to crushing cogs to spring-loaded pistons and incidentally lethal blades.     The feasting hall and infamous kitchen is off to one side, the haunted ballroom to another (the full-wall aquarium is still fine? for some reason?), and the way to to the second floor, with its great big clockwork-and-stained-glass Progress Gate (already opened) is exactly as much of a bullshit Castlevania nightmare as it always was. There's just no pipe organ, because Marc isn't here, and his tower is inaccessible.
Trudy Grimm	> "Sorry? Beg pardon? The guild?"     "Oh yes, apparently your first foray really made a splash. Did the invitation also not arrive?" The businessgoblin leans back and pulls out one of the drawers in the cabinet behind her, flipping through files with two fingers, "Honestly... It might just be that Glascail is so remote, I'm so sorry, the post really should be more reliable than this!" > "Oh we already moved Rita."     "Okay!" "Okay!" > "He seems to understand.     "Goodness, a *simulation*?" Behind her desk, Yasin finally finds the paperwork she was looking for, thumbing through a folder until she gets to a particular page, "Mmm... Oh!" A shadow overtakes her face when she tilts her head forward a bit.     "Yasin?" Kaleen pauses in her window repairs, actually turning the Sendslate around to view her boss directly. In the image, the Director remains still for another half-minute, then tilts her head and sticks out her tongue, bopping the top of her head with both hands.     "Oopsie!"     "What do you mean 'oopsie'!?" The carefully managed professional decorum of the head maid slips just a bit; she mad. > "Wait... Where's Petra?"     In the brief moment that Knick and Knack were looking at Lilian, Petra has disappeared. Now it's the twins' turn to startle and search quickly around themselves in perfect synchronization. Once they've made a full, quick scan of their surroundings, the two shrug, "She's gone!" "She's gone!" > "I can go find her!"     Knick and Knack simultaneously lean away as Kliz dashes between them in search of the missing 'Prince Silke', then turn to look after him. > "Um... acid pit."     They titter behind their hands, then turn to investigate the Stairway Maze at a more careful pace.     "You have to watch your step." "Watch for traps." "Lifestone works." "Still hurts."     "Is he a masochist?" "Is he a masochist?" As they wander out of sight, the twin goblins start giggling again.
Regulus	''And don't make it sound so indecent!!'' "It's not indecent, you're the boss. Deep cleanings are just normal sanitation procedure, especially for a place as big as this, easy to miss nooks and crannies which is why--"         HORIZONTAL SWEEP! Gebura takes another swing, this time hitting the walls with the cleaning fluid before scrubbing directly with the mop with a determined expression. Gebura must never know. ''Did you see where she went? Hello? It's actually really important.'' Gebura stops moping, swinging her mop so that the slime is on the floor so she can rest her chin on the handle and think back to where she last saw Petra at which point her instinctual passive of not paying too much attention to the eccentricies of the masters of the household fails and she remembers that Petra' s wrists were stuck together. This gets Gebura to blink, then shake her head as she focuses on the actual request. "Last saw her going through the smoke. Can't see through smoke, ma'am." Gobura taps her finger below her bad eye. "Seems like it might be tough to catch her." She looks to Kliz. "Hey! Think you can shut those traps down for the Queen?" Gobura gets back to scrubbing.
Holly Asturias	"Your lair isn't nearly as impregnable as you assumed." "Fine. I'm not a *prisoner*. I'm Prince Silke," "I'm not a dog."     "Aight that combo's a bit out there but I think I get the gist of the vibe. Fuck you mean, humiliate, though? The look's sick. Tried chains once but they kept getting stuck in traps. Hard look to pull off." Phaa shrugs, and huffs. "You--"     Petra proceeds to RUN OFF INTO TRAP, like a hero.     Phaa once more turns back to Kaleen.     "Don't we charge extra when there's still *live ones* about?" "I have an autograph book like a normal person would!"     "Normal people don't have autograph books, they just buy scrumpled up baseballs with a badly signed name on them that they're told is the last guy who hit it. Or like, a picture, but that's lame." "But that's Lilian Rook," "And that's Petra Soroka?"     "HEY. Don't heroname people on the job. Come on!"     Kliz proceeds to die, so it's fine. "He seems to understand. 'Liliana Lycoris' is just a stage name."     "Like I *said* we don't gotta know that. You do whatever you want in your spare time. But lairs are safe spaces." "Make another mess!"     "Oh, that's fine, there's not enough blood in us to make any significant impact on the work. It *is* the best for the job, I don't know what to tell you!" Phaa is not the one who should be in any way, shape or form posting at Lilian. She's bad at it! She's just going to-- Whatever this is, whoever hired you, don't believe for a minute I won't turn you inside out if you continue to imply I'm some sort of virulent slob.     "Who said anythin' about slobbing it up? That stuff happens! You think I'd be a maid deep cleaner if being the big bad girl on the throne was easy? We get it, sometimes you gotta make an example and, damn, the idiot's standing on the carpet, but it's not like you can just *let him go* or wait for him to *not* be on the carpet. And then there's more of the idiots!"     Phaa gesticulates a lot.     It's a bit aimless.     "*Bottom line* ain't nobody judgin' yer slayin' but we *gotta* know when the last time you wiped the blood is." "It's not safe!"     "Well yeah. That's, uh. The intent and the job, right?"     Phaa looks to the sides, where the crew is already hard at work getting repeatedly slaughtered. She uuughs, burdened by not wanting to be here long but also being burdened by not wanting to be the only one not working.     She pulls out her wand of fetching something that isn't too far and with a wave, a happy little citrus-smelling smile pops onto the ground in front of her. Then a stick. She proceeds to ram the stick into the slime and then slings the makeshift mop over her shoulder. "Anyway. Where was it? The, uh. Epic final clash or whatever it must have been. OI! Gobura! You're the big toughie, quit sweepin' and come tank the final floor traps fer me."
Odette Raskins	"I just saw it-- Make another mess!" "Do we understand one another?" "Ueh... We'll be more careful!" Irina calls back out to Lilian with a guilty twinge in her voice, already convinced she's on thin ice between creating a mess with the treasure mimic and maybe-accidentally revealing something that today's employer doesn't want revealed to more people than necessary. "Come on, everyone, you heard Queen Liliana!" ""And don't make it sound so indecent!!" "Stop! Oh my-- STOP!" "It's not safe!" Wait. Which part is the bit, and which part is real? She does sound far more worried about their safety than she needs to, so maybe the evil queen part is part of that bit. Someone truly evil wouldn't worry about their safety, right? She's still not sure which bit Petra's playing to anymore, though, but she's sure it's not important if she's being told not to ask. Convinced that she knows exactly what's going on now, Irina wipes her eyes off again and straightens back up to beam another bright smile at Lilian down the hall. "Don't worry, Queen Liliana! We're professionals, through and through! We'll have this whole castle looking good as new. If you need us to stop, th-" Between obediently stopping once directed and also trying to reassure Lilian, Irina finds out that even she can truly get hotheaded sometimes when she's standing up in front of an active fire trap. "Where's Petra?" Sniffling again as she comes back out of the portal, Irina actually has to bring a second slimop with her since hers is still way over there. "That's Miss Prisoner, right? I haven't seen her for a while, either." She replies with a slow shake of her head, looking over at Knick and Knack when they, too, reveal that they also don't know where she is. Kliz tries to get started, but he's back before long, and Irina holds a free hand against her chin again. "Where would I be if I was a loose prisoner prince? A princeoner..." Closing her eyes, Irina considers Gobura's comment shutting down the traps, and she claps her stubby-yet-large hands together before looking up and over at Lilian. "Oh! Oh! Queen Lilian...a? Do you have a control room somewhere? Maybe one with something important you wouldn't want the Prince to find? Either one of those things could be a clue!"
Madeleine Cadrasteia	With each time Kliz drops the chandelier, Cordelia grows increasingly frustrated, discombobulated, and frightened - by the third bone-shaking impact with the ground, she's clinging to the chandelier's frame for dear life. "Does... Does anyone have a ladder? Or- or some kind of pulley?"     Nobody comes forward with a pulley, or even a ladder. "Aghhh..." Cordelia says, before hustling off after the others, mopping up scattered patches of blood (mostly goblin) in the rest of the team's wake. "We'll take care of the chandelier on our way out, okay?" she calls to Lilian(a). She doesn't sound very convincing.
Petra Soroka	"Oh what are you babbling about now?"     It's actually totally unknowable what level of bit Petra is on, because she keeps sliding back and forth. To keep 'em guessing. In a completely normal voice, Petra attempts to gesture with her hands while explaining, but just slides the manacles around on their plinth.     "LLCs are, like, a tax loophole that exists in the United States. Delaware was a state whose pretty much only reason in being on the map was that it had big tax breaks for corporations based in it, so you'd have situations where there's, like, one unmarked building that's technically the headquarters for fifty different companies. Did you know that L-Corp was legally based in District 23?" "Shame about your evening plans."     ""This was where my plans brought me." And then she just *goes right back to it*!!!! Like there aren't a dozen maid goblins running around gawking! Like she isn't beat-up and handcuffed and wearing a costume on display!     "There's no place I could have been tonight besides here trying to stop you, and nowhere you could be but stopping me. Call it destiny or causality or whatever you like." She's fucking incorrigible. The only reason she smiles visibly at all through her dramatic chatbox is to get Lilian on the joke, that she is also the butt of despite Petra being the embarrassing one. "But the night isn't over yet." "Are you actually just shameless? I'm not keeping this up with you."     Petra turns her face away dramatically. "I'm not ashamed. No matter what you do to me, I'll never...!"     That does make her cheeks turn a little pink, though. To power through it, Petra briefly dips back into being a normal human being instead of an insane exhibitionist freak, and shrugs, clanking the shackles. "I mean, what's having an audience change? Never heard of 'em until now, probably won't ever hear about them again after. It's all just a little fun, right?" "A genuine, bona fide *prince*!?"     "Ah--" "How many castles do you own?"     Petra raises her manacled hands up above her head like she can somehow stretch up high enough to dodge Cordelia's grasp, but all this does is make her so top-heavy that she's temporarily immobilized. "Er-- um, one, but--" "Do you go to parties?"     "When invited...? I'm not exactly a--" "Do you chase after eligible young ladies-"     "Okay, I don't *chase*; it's more romantic than--" "-who lose their shoes?"     Petra sends a sidelong glance down towards Lilian's heels. "We have to put on a good showing for the priiiiiince~"     Somehow, this is fine with Petra, though a little (a lot) bemusing. She watches as Cordelia scampers off gleefully to clean, then looks down at her outfit, mystified in thought for a little bit. "Er... um, do your best."
Petra Soroka	"Even krakens!" "Oh we already moved Rita."     This knocks Petra fully out of the bit, though. She double-takes at Lilian and widens her eyes, coming to realize something that should have been obvious but she just never put together before. She tucks her elbows in unconsciously, bringing the shackles to her chest, cold iron soaking through the cloth.     "... Oh my god. That was *Rita*? ... A-ah. Yeah." Oh no! That isn't funny at all! Quick, get the bit back, and--     Fucking bolt!!!!!     Petra skids around corners, holding her wrists down and crouching to lower her center of balance. Without being able to swing her arms to keep stable when running, she has to sort of launch herself around via bursts of sprinting, manipulating inertia like a drifting racecar more than a person. Because of this sloppy platform speedrunning style, even the already-cleared sections of the castle have tons of traps that she sets off in her path, leaving a wake of debris and mess that the maids all have to clean up.     Through the Grand Hall, Petra's escape leaves broken-apart debris of animated armours that she kicks with both her feet like a horse mid-transit, rushing to the stairs. She lures pursuing gargoyles under falling chandeliers, both creating a mess of broken glass *and* stone fragments, arrows whiz by her and litter the ground, magical fire leaves ash on the floor behind her.     Using her manacles as a point of leverage wrapped around the bladed pendulum bar, she shimmies up it with just her thighs for grip to skip past several layers of platforming. She is, despicably, having a lot of fun with this.
Riku Asakura	'Hey! Think you can shut those traps down for the Queen?' "Um, if we shut off the traps, we lose out on the bonus objective," Kliz says, pulling out a tablet and pointing to the side of the screen.  Where it clearly says 'clean without turning off the traps'.  Thankfully, it doesn't say 'clean an area without dying'. 'Oopsie!' "We're supposed to be here, right?" he asks his bosses.  Almost pleading with them.  He'd hate to have learned that he died several times for no reason and that they weren't getting any money. 'HEY. Don't heroname people on the job. Come on!' "What?" Kliz asks, genuinely confused.  When she explains that they don't have to know anything, he shrugs.  "Fair, I guess?" "Oh right, Petra... we should uh find her..." he says before zipping off again.  THIS TIME, he actually makes it to the main corridor.  The Tick-tocking of the various gearworks doesn't scare him, mostly because he doesn't see them all too well.   He jumps up to one platform... He's cut in half by a giant blade.   He's smashed by a giant pendulum. He's ground to death by a cog.   He literally manages to hit every trap on the way up.  However, eventually, he manages to get to the top of the platforming section.  Out of breath and happy that he's actually made it.   "Yay!" Kliz doesn't know this isn't where Petra went and that his efforts were wasted on going the wrong direction.
Lilian Rook	'Did you know that L-Corp was legally based in District 23?'     That wasn't quite what Lilian was asking, but it's interesting enough for her to pause and mutter aside "Oh my god. Really? That's a country!"     'I mean, what's having an audience change? Never heard of 'em until now, probably won't ever hear about them again after. It's all just a little fun, right?'     "You're an animal!" Lilian makes sure to swat Petra. "You think you can just have whatever you want don't you!"     '... Oh my god. That was *Rita*? ... A-ah. Yeah.'     "You're so stupid. You're so stupid it makes you look sensitive. You're such an utterly oblivious moron that it loops back around into being attractive and then loops halfway back around again."     . . . . . . . .     'We would never imply that! We understand adventurers happen, and they're rough, undisciplined, unruly, messy, and generally uncooth.'     Oh Kliz. Oh sweet, precious, sensible Kliz. Lilian looked at you with such hope in her eyes before you got crushed with the chandelier that was just hung back up again.     'I can go find her!'     "I-I don't think that's a good idea--" Too late.     'It's not indecent, you're the boss. Deep cleanings are just normal sanitation procedure, especially for a place as big as this'     "Well I know that! Someone already comes around and cleans it up once a month! It's not like there are actual adventurers swarming here!" Getting mad about whatever misfiling is going on here helps Lilian think less about the throne room.     'Oh yes, apparently your first foray really made a splash. Did the invitation also not arrive?'     Lilian's voice nearly cracks in sheer confused despair. "Huh?" may as well be a death rattle.     'HEY. Don't heroname people on the job. Come on!'     "HUH?!" Lilian shrieks. "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!"     'Like I *said* we don't gotta know that. You do whatever you want in your spare time. But lairs are safe spaces.'     "I'm going to scream . . ." Lilian says, all flat-toned and lifeless.     'Honestly... It might just be that Glascail is so remote, I'm so sorry, the post really should be more reliable than this!'     "Glascail isn't reeeaaaal!" she whines. "I made it up! It's for the training exerciiiise! Haven't you ever heard of--" Actually, no. She doubts these goblins have ever heard of CIA funding being used to build little ghost towns to run anti-terrorist operations training on. So she gets shrill instead. "I'm not a villain! It was a performance! There never was an invitation!"     'Oopsie!'     'What do you mean 'oopsie'!?'     Lilian doesn't know whether to drop her arms, throw back her head, and groan 'Finally!', or whether to smush her hands into her face and assess how close she is to an angry-tearing melty. So she does both.     'She's gone!' 'She's gone!'     'Last saw her going through the smoke. Can't see through smoke, ma'am.'     "Fuck!"     Lilian barely resists the urge to throw that tantrum right about now. It's getting more appealing by the second. "That little brat comes around every so often to try and steal back some stupid garbage she lost here ages ago, and every time she does, this happens!" Under thirty percent HP, Lilian's 'half-truth' skill is boosted by the emergency bonus! "So she's--"
Lilian Rook	'Anyway. Where was it? The, uh. Epic final clash or whatever it must have been.'     'Queen Lilian...a? Do you have a control room somewhere? Maybe one with something important you wouldn't want the Prince to find?'     Lilian's eyes shoot open wide. Her frustrated gesticulation freezes. The gasp is inaudible. "Oh god the throne room." she says. Lilian looks at the goblins, looks at the stairs behind her, and finally thinks,     §Oh thank god the traps are still on. Thank you all for being so killable. I'll buy you all a pizza or something later.§     "PETRA I AM GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE!"     Lilian takes off towards the stairs. Her costume doesn't really look suited for it, but she did have to design it for a final battle in mind. She is, also, able to rapidly cheat to get ahead of the cleanup crew, skip all the castlevania horse shit, and go sprinting off into the great big pitch dark Infinite (not actually) Library howling "I swear to god if you added one more cent to Sarracenia Sundew's book burning bill--!"     Unfortunately, she actually has to find Petra, not just get ahead of her. She wants to at least cut her off before the Foundry, because then goblins are going to be getting melted by complicated sunbear puzzles and the whole nuclear furnace heart thing.
Odette Raskins	"some stupid garbage she lost here ages ago," "Aw, maybe she just really misses her time here! It could be extra stupid, but if it was real to her, maybe it wasn't that stupid after all!" Irina suggests with far too little information about Lilian and Petra to know for sure, but with enough of a sentimental flutter in her heart that she's convinced that it totally is true. "Oh god the throne room." "That would be a real smart place to put important things like controls, yes!" Irina agrees with a hearty nod, not recognizing the urgency in Lilian's tone until after she's already rushing for the stairs. As she goes running, the bright-eyed goblin blinks a few times before looking over at the goblins still present in that hallway, then snaps her fingers before breaking into a delayed run in the same direction. "Come on, everyone! We can't interrupt, but we can be ready to clean everything up before any of it soaks into the carpets!" Irina calls out, bewildered already by how far Lilian's gotten in such a short time. Undeterred, she keeps on rushing ahead, willing and able to scurry right through that Uninfinite Library! She'll do great setting off and evading any reflex-based traps, at least, but anything that requires complex thinking is going to create a few more messes by the time she finally gets through it all. If, even.
Holly Asturias	"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!"     "Really you're gonna make me have to explain..."     No she's not! Because Lilian screams and takes off after Petra! Phaa lets out the deepest sigh she has in a long time, and feels the cruel grip of this place on her time. Okay fine. Serious face on.     Phaa, not the fastest, not the strongest, but perhaps the trap-savviest of the bunch, resigns herself to chasing after Lilian so she can get on with cleaning up the GORE that FINAL BATTLES always create. This means going trough an awful, terrible pitch black (not) infinite library.     She unholsters her wand of exactly 2.5 meters of light and creates a convenient half-sphere of light around herself.     "Oh bitchin' is that volume 3 of Demon Helper?"     Phaa proceeds to be crushed in a trapped book that grows massive and crunches her like she's candy.     "God damnit." -----     Phaa's magical light gives out and she disintegrates in the darkness. God knows what lives in the shadows now. -----     Phaa is sucked into a book that was lying on the floor and that she bumped into, adding a chapter about CHAINS to it. -----     Phaa slams her knee into a partially destroyed bookcase that was knocked over and doubles over in pain. After a moment, she produces her wand of respawning (fake), points it at herself, and explodes in a shower of gore rather than deal with KNEE PAIN. -----     "Aaagh! That one castle with the library that *rotates* was less frustrating!" she screams.     It will take her another few lives to map out the way through the library, but Lilian gave a decent heading with her screaming. She said she was going to clean up that throne room and she's going to!!!     It helps a ton when Irina joins her.
Riku Asakura	Kliz dies in an unrelated trap, just in time for Lilian to go upstairs towards the throne room.  Confused, he looks around at the others, who are now following after her.  He cleans his glasses again and shrugs.  "So... we're following the Queen of the castle now?" he asks idly.   He catches up to Irina and Phaa.   He runs into a bookcase, and it drops a very heavy book on his head, flattening him right out. He touches a book by accident, and it becomes alive and proceeds to eat him whole. Another book is actually a book of fireballs, and it burns him to a crisp. He also finds three separate pit and spike traps the moment they leave the library.   Finally past them, he looks exhausted.  "Um... are we still cleaning this castle?"
Trudy Grimm	"Ahahaha..." Now it's Yasin's turn for the nervous laughter, "We~ell we're here now so we might as well make the most of it." Recovering to something more adjacent to Professional, Yasin speaks up, "Kaleen, change of plans! This is the perfect castle to train the new hires with!"     Kaleen pauses, glancing over her shoulder as Kliz and Irina and Phaa both run out of the office for the third or fourth time each; and on into the horrendously trapped staircase maze, "I... see..." Closing her eyes, the head maid takes in a deep breath, then lets it out slowly, banishing tension and confusion as she does.     "Well," Kaleen finally says in a sardonic tone, "At least Irina might get over her fear of the lifestone."     Knick and Knack wandering out of the door startle her, though, "Wh-- but you two are experienced trap finders, what happened?"     "Dropping ceiling." "Dropping ceiling."     The pair demonstrate by, in perfect sync, smacking fists into palms.     "Would it kill anyone to be more careful?!"     "Yes." "Yes."     The head maid is struck dumbfounded by the twins' straightforward, unhesitant response. While she's stunned, Knick and Knack trot past her and right back into the staircase maze, "Finding the traps is part of the fun!" "Part of the fun!" > "Um... are we still cleaning this castle?"     "Yes." Kaleen groans, face in her gloved hands.