Scene #9640: Oh, Well, Yanno...

Owner	Pose
Tohru Adachi	A visitor! Inside his little slice of TV Land (not TM, unaffiliated with the actual channel). He hasn't had one of those since... Shit, it really was when Lilian and a bunch of her goons came in to rough him up. Damn. And what exactly has he done to spice up the place since then? Absolutely fucking nothing unless you count getting a bunch of goons of his own as something. He doesn't, so he's panicking to figure out something. There's not a lot he can do on such a short notice with what is effectively a worn down police station with a bunch of corpses hanging from the telephone poles, however, so he's decided to focus on one set piece. The heartless chair. A chair made of heartless he mused about and now actually wants to pull off. Problem is, these guys are stupid. Getting them to cause problems, easy. Actually getting them to coordinate into doing something productive... Well, he's got a gun if he can't take it anymore, at least. Unfortunately, he's still working on it by the time Hell Biker rolls in, a red and black warrior currently threatening a knightly looking heartless as he holds it by its neck. There are a bunch of other heartless of various sorts that just sort of gormlessly look at the figure, as if waiting for orders. "Listen. I showed you the drawing, so either you all figure it out in the next ten minutes or I'm gonna find some dumbass kid with a key and you're all gonna-" The other heartless immediately scurry away once they notice there's a visitor, and the warrior's garb immediately peels off and fades away, becoming a rather Unremarkable Guy. "Oh. Heeeeeeey, bestie~. I was just getting things ready. Ordered everyone here to leave you alone, so if you have any problems, just let me know and I'll sort them out." He says all this while still holding onto the knight-like heartless, which he looks at in a bit of contemplation on what exactly he's gonna do with it before simply just tossing it onto the ground and using it as a stool, his ass nearly falling onto the ground several times as he tries to balance himself. "Anyway, this is my cuckstool. I was trying to make a cuckthrone but... Ya know... Guys..."
Calvin Nash	The visitor arrives on a motorcycle, much as his host would likely expect. What might not be expected is that the wheels are made of fire. It's a classic chopper, elegance in simplicity, with a decal of a heart pierced by a lightning bolt on the white fuel tank. Hell Biker wears 70s-style motorcycle leathers, with an exaggerated collar and a red scarf that trails behind him as he rolls to a stop. His heavy boot sets the kickstand in place as he kills the ignition. "Well, well, well," he says, hands resting on his thighs as he looks around without getting off the bike. His eyeless sockets fix on one of the corpses hanging from the telephone poles, and he laughs. "I see you cleaned the place up for me. And here's a little something for you." He lightly throws a handful of plastic Mardis Gras beads at Adachi, the plastic beads hitting his chest with a clatter before falling to the ground. I was trying to make a cuckthrone but... Ya know... Guys... "Hey, don't get the wrong idea, weirdo. I didn't come over here to fuck your wife while you watched."
Tohru Adachi	Adachi just watches as the beads bounce off of his chest. Oh right. The bit. Shit, he forgot to buy beads for this. Damn. He's got like... Tic Tacs or something, maybe. No, that sucks. He's just gonna smile and nod and move on rather than ruin the art. I didn't come over here to fuck your wife while you watched. "Well what the fuck am I supposed to do then? I'm a cop. Well, ex-cop, but isn't getting my wife fucked by someone else supposed to be my calling- Wait that's the army's thing. Shit. Never mmind!" He tries to lean back, only to fall over, the heartless taking the chance to immediately flee as he's left without either a throne or a stool. It doesn't seem to bother him much though, he just stands up and dusts himself off before continuing on. "Anyway, don't mind the bodies, they're like, a mental construct or something. A peak into my twisted mmind and stuff like that. So what'd ya got planned other than throwin' beads at each other? Our Loser NATO alliance kminda fell flat so I'm curious."
Calvin Nash	Our Loser NATO alliance kinda fell flat so I'm curious. "Whaaaat?!" Hell Biker leans back in his seat, one hand over his chest in mock shock. "C'mon!" It did kind of fall flat. He chuckles, then dismounts the bike. "This is what I'm thinkin'," he says, arms thrown wide. "Mesmer, she's a lost cause. She's way more of a loser than us, and she's not gonna get any better. I mean..." He places his hands on his hips, skull tilted upwards in thought. "I heard she really didn't like us basically treating her like a zoo exhibit. So that's one thing. But, that's backburner stuff," he says, shaking his head. "There's a lot of people out there muscling in on our fucking turf. And I figure, not all of those people are dug-in like she is. GATEKEEPING, BABY!" he says, stepping to stand beside Adachi then gesturing grandiloquently towards the horizon. "We start attacking those idiots. Beating the shit out of 'em if we have to. Basically the idea is, we do what she does, but in reverse. Slap the Man's dick out of their mouths, yanno?"
Tohru Adachi	GATEKEEPING, BABY! Adachi quietly thinks with a stupid, perplexed look on his face as Hell Biker starts salespitching him. He wonders... How much could he get for that bike of his? It seems pretty nice... Wait, no, that's not it! Gatekeeping? Them? Gatekeeping LOSERS??? Huh, that sounds pretty... "If she doesn't like being treated like a zoo then maybe she'll improve as a person and we don't have to worry about being irrelevant anymore? Fat chance of that happening though so... that plan of yours sounds pretty solid, but I think the problem is that I'm pretty sure gatekeeping is supposed to be a mean girl power set, and I'm more specced into fuckless uncle, and you're... crackhead uncle? Either way, feels a bit off for us." The red warrior from before manifests again, or at least assumedly that's what it is. It does appear a bit different, but honestly, that probably isn't important. It drapes an arm over Hell Biker's shoulder with one arm as it strokes its chin in thought with a clawed hand. "But ya know what? Maybe sticking to our archetypes is the problem here, so yeah, fuck it. Let's do some gatekeeping. Funniest outcome is we get a bunch of people mad that we start policing who's allowed to be a loser, cause I don't think that's an argument you come out of looking good even if you win."
Calvin Nash	crackhead uncle? "It was meth," Hell Biker mildly corrects, but nods nevertheless. I don't think that's an argument you come out of looking good even if you win. Hell Biker claps his gloved hands together and double-points at Adachi. "Exactly! EXACTLY! They got no choice but to pull a reverse. And all WE gotta do is just the zoo routine. If it works on MESMER, it's a sure fucking shot on the rest of these idiots." "My vision here, yeah, my PLAN, it's spitting in the world's eye, here. We're pretty much never gonna run out of brainless fucks that kiss the world's ass, yanno. But we can make it harder for them to live in our little corner of it. The only question now is where we wanna start. I got a few ideas, myself." Pounding cracking his knuckles and grinding his teeth, "Like that fuckin' princess. Fuckin' parasite. But she might be a long-term project. They say there's nothing you can do to make her give a shit."
Tohru Adachi	Like that fuckin' princess. "Oh. Ya mean Sarracenia? Yeah. Don't know if you heard but she used to be part of the Watch. Pretty sure she switched out after she learned she can't buy friendship, so she joined the Concord because she thought they were a bunch of nepo babies like her probably. Bet she feels stupid now, realizing like at least a good chunk of them actually have some sort of talent. I'd love to see her either improve or get worse, honestly. Any sort of change from her current state of being more sex starved than me at least, that shit's depressing." Magatsu Izanagi lets go of Hell Rider, floating over to Adachi's side as the ex-dick pulls out an old flip phone that he begins fiddling with, looking through his current schedule. It's all free days. "Looks like I can fit it in, yeah. Another good thing is that if we DO get in trouble, Mr. Mall Cop takes the fall for us because you're his little boy toy and I'm just some fre- Hey wait. Where is he anyway... Shit, is he here with you? HEY, IF YOU'RE HERE, THE BODIES AREN'T REAL, I'M CLEAN YA HEAR!?"
Calvin Nash	HEY, IF YOU'RE HERE, THE BODIES AREN'T REAL, I'M CLEAN YA HEAR!? "Heh heh." Hell Biker shakes his head. "God, I wish. Just so he could be here flipping his shit about it. He's lamer than a mall cop. He's more like a park ranger. Didn't wanna come inside--said he didn't want anything to do with what he figured this place was. He's waiting right outside the TV. Honestly," he admits, crossing his arms, tilting his head to consider, "I didn't think he'd go along with it." He thinks about that for a moment--he, too, is aware of the similarity between them. It costs Calvin less to summon him than Chernobog. And he, too, tries not to think about it too much. "I can tell he's getting antsy. Few others on my shitlist, with the princess as our kinda... pie-in-the-sky, yeah. That Shirou kid, he's got the fuckin' rot all in his head, but he's tryin' to get it out. Gotta watch him. Teeterin' on the edge of being another one of these idiots that cheerleads all the fucked up shit that goes on, or actually bein' somebody worth a shit." "Skipper. The little twerp that can keep up with me and the hick on foot. That's another one that's borderline. Got the whole... 'hero' thing goin' on, with a lotta the brain damage that implies, yeah. Heh heh." He rubs his chin, thinking of a few more. "Futaba Nuki's in that boat, too. Fuckin' idiot doesn't know a goddamn thing about how the world works but thinks she can just smile and fart past all the shit that sends kids home in boxes and makes junkies outta the rest. Gonna get somebody killed." "Then we got our... high profile, escort-the-VIP type deal with Matilda Bouanich. The little French kid that might actually be somebody. But there's a lotta people around her that wanna make her into a loser. Like Mesmer. So we gotta stop that." He strides back over to his bike, leaning forward and resting his chin on the knuckles of his right hand, like someone's fucked up nightmare version of the Thinker. "Maaan, I'm just now thinkin'. I wish Kissinger was still alive so we could go CHOKE that evil motherfucker. DETENTE THIS!" he shouts, clenching his free hand into a fist. Then he sighs. "Unless you got any more for our little list, I oughta hit the road."
Tohru Adachi	"Oh. Thank god. I hate dealing with cops, so I'm glad that he's out there and we're in here." Shirou "He sounds Japanese. Also sounds like a dumbass, which is the type of guy who tends to kick my ass, so you're on your own there. I'm gonna get folded like a damn omelette if my gut instinct is right, and just so you know, it's like... sometimes right. Anyway, your problem, not mine." Skipper "Literally fucking who- Oh, that idiot on the radio! I guess???" Futaba Nuki "Now you're just making people up. Who the fuck has the last name 'Nuki' in this day in age??? But yeah, sure, that's fine too." Matilda "I mean, if keeping her safe from Mesmer's wiles or whatever you wanna call what she does is the goal, we could just shove her in here, though she'd probably cry or something. If you wanna play hero for a repressed lesbian though, I'll leave the thinking to you, that's not my thing." Unless you got any more for our little list, I oughta hit the road. "You know a rabbit by the name of Lory Thumper? Never mind, just forget I asked. I'll let you know if I come up with anything, but honestly I'm just gonna follow what you do. Best way to get back into the swing of things I feel. Though before you go..." Adachi strolls away for a moment to a pile of rubble, bending over and reaching into it to pull out a small shadowy thing with antennae and glowing yellow eyes, he doesn't even bother to look at it, instead chucking it at Hell Biker after yelling "Catch!". "Lil souvenir, let it free in your least favorite government building while nobody's looking or... I dunno, throw beads at it or something. If you're lame you'll tell Calvin you have it though, but you're cool so I know you'll do the funny thing."