Scene #6337: Trying

Owner	Pose
Nagato	It's the middle of the Pacific Ocean, Nagato stands there and just waits. THere's no rigging, there's no sword, there's no axe... not even a scout plane. "She should be here... hopefully soon." she mutters, "Maybe... this will ease her mind." she sails around in a circle, idly waiting... it's boring when she doesn't have anything to do aside from wait.... "Wonder if she got lost..."
Haguro	It doesn't take too long for Haguro to find the marked location, and she's moving at a fairly steady pace. Her arm and back turrets are nowhere to be seen, but the ones on her tailheads are still pretty obviously there even with the appendage covered by a blanket and draped over her shoulder. Spotting Nagato in the distance, Haguro slows to a stop and scans the area a few times first before approaching slowly, raising a hand in a slow salute in greeting. "N... Nagato? Hello! Er." She sniffs once and slows down even more, although she keeps drifting forward at a snail's pace. "You... Wanted to talk, right?"
Nagato	Nagato perks as she hears her name, turning around to the direction. She's not armed?... mostly. That was... unexpected. "Hello." she replies, looking away some, "It's been a while." sthere's a light sigh coming from her as she turns back to face the cruiser... "I did, if you would hear me out." she takes a deep breath and looks at Haguro, a light nod, "I want to apologize." she starts off, "I should have started with this to begin with, instead of coming armed. I may be the Admiral but even I make mistakes and I will admit to them. I only wanted to bring my cruiser home."
Haguro	"It... Has. Um. Are you doing well?" The awkwardness is rather obvious, and Haguro shifts around uncomfortably as she tries and fails to find a comfortable place to rest her hands. That much hasn't changed, at least. She doesn't answer right away when Nagato finishes speaking, frowning slightly while looking off towards land. "I... See. There's... Um. There's a lot of things that could have gone differently." She starts and stops again, drifting sideways while rubbing her face. So much tension that it ccould be cut through with a knife. Or sharp teeth. "On... Both sides. But it all happened, so it won't help to linger too much on the what-if's, right?" She forces a weak chuckle, then sighs lightly before turning back to Nagato with that confused frown. "What are you... Um. What are you expecting to happen now, then?"
Nagato	"Honestly, no, I am not doing well. Issues with the Fifth... you... a bit of dissention in the ranks..." she shakes her head, "It's out of my hands." she looks back towards land, shaking her head, "Honestly, if people minded their own buisness, you'd be back on base as a kanmusu instead of an Abyssal and all would have been better." she shakes her head slightly, turning back towards Haguro. "I won't say my side wasn't at fault, because we were. We could have handled things better." there's a pause, "Expecting?" she frowns, "I was ... expecting to try to get you back home, Haguro. You're family to the Fleet. Why do you think the Fifth fights so hard for you, why I try to recover you from this Abyssal shell." she looks to the side and shakes her head... "I may not have noticed you much, I may not have praised you much for your contributions, and for that, I apologize if I didn't recognize you until it became this late. Haguro, you're better than being an Abyssal, you're a kanmusu, you're part of Hikari, you're part of the good in the world... you're supposed to be. I... I can't stand to lose any more to this. I have nightmares about it. Back when I was a Battleship Princess... back when I did all those atrocities." Nagato sails closer, "I hear her voice, the side of me that I do not want to come out... the side of me that I do not wish on anyone. Haguro, I want you to come back home with me, please. We can work through things together."
Haguro	Haguro sniffs lightly as Nagato speaks, her breath hitching each time the Battleship mentions being back on the base, being a Kanmusu, no longer being an Abyssal. There's a pained look in her eyes, too, but she listens to Nagato the entire time without any outbursts. Haguro stops, and then she turns back to Nagato with a duller expression. "You.. Know how Abyssals change into Kanmusu, don't you? Or Kanmusu into Abyssals?" She wraps one arm around the tailhead as it starts to move, reaching over with her other hand to push down on it and keep it firmly on her shoulder. "It never gets easier. I felt it when Midway shot me." Her eyes turn red, then blue again. "I... I thought you would make me go through that again, too. You keep saying you'll... 'Recover' me like it's so easy. Wh-why? Why do I have to be 'recovered'?" The Cruiser hunches over slightly, but she's taking deep breaths to calm herself. "What if this is just me? What if being an Abyssal is normal, it's being a Kanmusu that you should... 'Recover' from?" She barely manages to get that last part out, and her tone at saying 'recover' is tinged with both venom and anguish. "I-I mean... You know what the humans are like, don't you? They only like us.. You when you're 'normal' to them. When you put so much effort into protecting them even when they're hurting each other more than we are. When they're doing terrible things to the sea. When they're ignoring their own crimes because a monster like me showed them that they should be punished, too."
Nagato	"You don't have to restrain it." she comments, "I'm unarmed." there's a pause, "Yes, I know. Sometimes by sinking the Abyssal, rarely by talks and hugs an affection." Nagato pauses slightly, nodding, "I would rather not sink you again, if I can find another way to strip that Abyssal shell off you." another pause, "Because I see the good in you, I've known the good in you. It doesn't suit being this. I know you want to help people, but when you are murdering women, children... innocents just to get at the bad guys, that's not what we stand for. No one chooses to be Abyssal out of their own heart, I believe even Midway is a powerful kanmusu in her own right... and it will take a long time, lots of battles, lots of sinking to get her to understand that we only wish to help, to recover, to show her the good." "I know exactly what the humans are like. It's why we protect them. It's why the laws, even if some people don't follow them, exist. The majority of the humans are good people. We punish the wicked, the evil, the terrible, in hopes that they will turn their lives around. We... don't attack the innocent ones to show them that they should be punished... it's not proper. It only shows you that you're a monster too."
Haguro	Haguro rubs her face lightly as she mulls things over, then turns and starts drifting aimlessly not unlike someone pacing around. "I could say the same about you and being a Kanmusu. The only difference is who the humans think are monsters. But are they any less for..." She pauses, then lets go of her tail once it stops moving. "... If there's a herd of cows infected with a contagious disease, do you kill the herd to stop it there? Or do you let the cows live since you don't know which ones are okay, and let the disease spread to the other herds?" She turns back to Nagato, sniffing again before looking towards land. "That's what happened with the pirates. They were hiding in there. The people in that town knew. I'm sure there were some that didn't like it. That didn't have a choice aboutt heir home being used as a hotbed for pirates. But letting them escape that time..." She chuckles lightly, the pained expression still lingering on her face. "... Who knows how far they've gotten by now? How many other people they've hurt and stolen from that didn't have a choice either? They came back to try and kill me already." A darker expression crosses Haguro's face. "Maybe more have joined them by now because that's all they know. A.. Am I a monster for wanting to exterminate them and keep the rest safe?"
Nagato	"Haguro. What good person cures the disease by killing the patient? How many monsters say 'if I don't root out the disease, it will kill the patient'. How many use 'if I don't go full out on something, how can everyone else stay safe?'. What's more important, Haguro? Stopping the bad people or saving the good ones? How many good people must die so that monsters are stopped? In the end, does that not make a monster out of you?" Nagato slides on closer, reaching out to try and rest a hand upon Haguro's shoulder, "You are who you are on the worst day of your life, Haguro. Right now, you've been living that day since you were sunk. However, you are who you are every other day, so please, answer me..." "Who are you?" she takes a small breath, "I need to know so I know what I have to do, Haguro." there's a pause, "I'm not calling you Ne-Class. Despite the shell you're wearing. I still think you're the Haguro the Fleet knows and loves, the sister to Myoukou, Nachi and Ashigara. But I can say all these things, it's you... who needs to decide who you are... so once again. Who are you?"
Haguro	"It's less killing them and more like... Amputation. Or if we look at the... Um. What was that word?" Haguro furrows her brow, tilting her head briefly for a moment before hitting her palm with her fist. "Macro! Like the.. Um. The cow thing. Sure, you might have to kill some of them, but it's better than letting the rest fall to the disease, too. A-and if I have to kill one person to save two, a thousand to save two thousand, then I'll do it!" Haguro shouts for the first time in this meeting, inhaling sharply as she reels herself back in with that anxious look returning to her eyes. It's eerily similar to how she used to be way back in her early days, and then a look of realization comes across her eyes. "I... I think something has changed. I get it now." She starts, pausing again and not even flinching when Nagato rests her hand on Haguro's shoulder. "Before I was... Before I changed? If it had been the old me when that ship threatened to fire on the other that time, I don't think I would've been able to do anything. I'd... I'd have been too scared to do anything, because I wouldn't have wanted to kill anyone. I would have let them shoot. I'd have gotten injured, lots more people would have died, and the only ones still alive would be murderers themselves. Monsters. And then..." She shivers uncomfortably. "... I would've been called useless. I wouldn't have saved anybody. I would've just... Panicked, let people that weren't going to resort to murder die at those who were about to so that I could... So I could... What?" She starts trembling and hunching over more. "So I could have a clear conscience about not killing anyone even with more people dying when I could have stopped it?" She bites her lower lip. "I... I get it now, Admiral. I get it now! I'm not as... I-I mean, I'm still afraid, and I don't know if I'll ever be as strong as you or the other Battleships, but I think I'm getting closer now. I can do it! I can make those kinds of hard decisions now!" She looks genuinely excited. "I-it's like I told that gold man that wanted to kill me that time." The Abyssal Cruiser takes a deep breath to steady herself. "My name is Haguro, fourth of the Myoukou-class Heavy Cruisers." An expectant smile appears. "And I'm going to be a hero."
Nagato	Nagato listens, that's all she can do in this situation right now. She sees the shivering, the biting of the lip... Nagato nods, she's gotten through. "It's okay, Haguro. It's okay. I know you can make these hard decisions now, I knew you could." she gives a bit of a smile. "I've learned a long time ago, one has to fall before they can get back up, before they can renew themselves, to find their inner strength." she takes a deep breath then moves to open her arms... and pulls the Abyssal Cruiser into a hug. Nagato knows this is dangerous, that stupid tail, but... "You don't need to be as strong as a battleship to have a good moral code, to know the difference between right and wrong... or to make mistakes and work on bettering yourself to fix them, Haguro. A simple Destroyer can be just as strong if they know this. Look at Yuudachi... Shigure." she buries her face into Haguro's shoulder, "So come, let's brush this shell off, show the world that the Fourth Ship of the Myoukou-Class, Haguro, is going to be the hero that everyone deserves, that everyone will look up to. Let's bring you home, get you a nice meal too." Nagato pulls back, a smile upon her face. "The Fleet cares so much for you."
Haguro	"Right! I knew you'd understand... I-I was so afraid you wouldn't." Haguro sniffs again as Nagato moves to hug her, on the verge of tears now with all the confusing changes finally starting to make sense. She accepts the hug willingly even with her front tail in the way, too! Thankfully, it's not reacting badly. It's just awkwardly placed what with coming out her gut and just sort of leaving a giant annoying thing in front of one shoulder. "I... I still have the same code, though. I just... I can make these kinds of hard choices now, and I can do so much more since... Since I'm not going to hesitate as much." She sniffs again and taps her head on Nagato's shoulder, wiping her face off a little. "Yeah, let's go..." Wait. Something was off there. "... Shell? Off? Why?" The mirth drains from her face. "Why would you want me to go back to that form? I... I'm better now, right? If I can make the hard choices without hesitating, then... Then I can be more of a hero, right? I can be more like you, right?" Haguro starts trembling again. "Wh... Why do you still want to kill me, then? That old form was weaker and... D-do you want me to be useless again?" The tears continue flowing, but they're no longer tears of joy. "Do you want me to be weak again? I'm better now. I thought you wanted me to be stronger, so why?"
Nagato	"I never wanted to kill you." she comments, "That 'old form' isn't weak either." she shakes her head a bit and stares Haguro right in the eyes, "I do want you to be stronger. Akashi's already plotted out upgrades to both your rigging's armor and weaponry, I was waiting until we could get you out of this Abyssal shell. And now, you want to be a hero. You want to save the people out there." "There are people out there who only see this, and not the true woman that I know. All they see is Ne-Class, a horrible monster that would not care one bit if fifty people died to get to one 'bad' one. They will see the reports from that island, seeing you in this... shelling innocent people who didn't deserve it." "Haguro, you are better than that. You showed me that today, you understand all this, but..." she pauses, "Tell me." another pause, "Why do you think you were useless as a Kanmusu? I never thought you were. The Fleet never thought you were. Timid maybe, wanting to have this war end so bad. Everyone does. All of us do." she sails back slightly, then turns around, "No one thinks your weak... useless. We wouldn't be trying so hard if we thought you were." "You say that you were weak as a Kanmusu. Honestly, you were stronger than me, holding onto a hope that might be considered futile by others. It's a hope that you and I both share. A world without war, a world where the fighting will end."
Haguro	"Maybe... Not 'wanted', but 'have to', right?" Because Abyssals are enemies of the Fleet. The Fleet's hero. My..." Haguro clenches her hands at her sides as she continues sniffling, raising them every now and then to hipe her face off. "That's... That's the problem with humans, though, isn't it? They really do only see the outside. They don't think about everything else that goes into... ANYTHING. How things work. How even the choice that saves the most people isn't good enough because it hurts for them." The Cruiser hunches over again, clutching her head. "It's all wrong... All they want is what's right for them, not for everyone. Or more than just themselves. So why... Why does everything I do have to go wrong?!" She snaps at Nagato, withdrawing again for a moment before rubbing her face again. "S-sorry... Nn. But you understand, don't you? Making the hard choices... S-sometimes, it means making people hate you, right? Thinking you're heartless, that you don't care about other people, that you're a monster..." She laughs, but it's still a tearful one. "I couldn't have made the kinds of choices that you do. Or like anyone else. Not as a Kanmusu. Not until..." She gestures at herself, and the tail rises from her shoulder finally. "Until all this happened. Th-that timidity. It's... No, that's not it. It's the hesitation. If I go back to being a Kanmusu, I wouldn't be able to make these choices again. I'll just be... A body. A pile of guns." Haguro's starting to look a little calmer, but still considerably anxious as she starts drifting backwards slowly. "I... I can't go back to being useless again. I need to..." She doesn't finish that last sentence, still looking shaken as she starts to speed up. Haguro does not seem too willing to continue speaking for long.