Scene #6315: Cabbage Cultist Corrals Captive Customers

Owner	Pose
Solomon Roget	Magic and murmurs are buzzing around this medieval town of Varrock. The Blue Moon Inn close to the center of town is packed to capacity, patrons alternately chatting with each other or gawking at the leafy-green robes of a preacher delivering a sermon off to the side. The bartenders are certainly enjoying themselves, taking in coin after coin in exchange for their suddenly-in-high-demand ale. There's a mostly-empty table, occupied only by Solomon, that he's reserved for Multiversal guests to sit at. It's got a great view of the cabbage monk, and close enough that snippets of the sermon can be heard though the dull roar of the inn. If laughter hasn't completely disabled him, Solomon welcomes over any guests and offers a drink.
Tomoe	Tomoe had to admit she was curious to hear this what ever this monk was their faith was rather strong given the heckling they seemed getting she would move to sit down otwering over a good deal of people as she did so. She had to wonder about it, she's not ordered an ale yet as she looks to Solomon. "So is this a common thing here? is there a Church of the Cabbage?"
Mortimer Balman	A colossal wolf-like beast the size of an African elephant comes strolling down the road. Laying on its back is a Wartortle, an anthropormorphic Typhlosion with oddly blue-purple flames coming out of his head, and a Butterfree which has a moustache so utterly British one might think he shat the Queen. The wolf is friendly to people with nuzzles and licks but it is marching for where this monk is speaking. It will lay down at the edge of a road so as not to block entry, and poke open a window with its face. Then it will adjust its position a bit and poke open a second window for its passengers to watch in from. From his reclined spot, Mortimer can be seen smoking an ornate old pipe carved of oak and reinforced with steel. "You'll have to forgive the potentially ostentatious display by showing up with my crew. Where I go, they go, and I'm frankly tired of trying to hide ourselves because we might scare a few locals. So! Where's the great vegetable friar? I am eager to hear the sermon."
Orchid	Among those come to see what is going on is Orchid. She snuck in, not wanting to attract too much attention. She joins Solomon's table, shaking her head. "I've heard of a potato church once or twice, but that's about it," she replies to Tomoe.
Solomon Roget	Gigglefits prevent Solomon from properly replying to Tomoe at first, but he finally manages to control himself long enough to respond. "I don't rightly know..." He downs an entire mug of ale and takes a deep breath of composure. "Guy just showed up today and started prattling on about cabbages. Cabbages! We have actual gods to worship, and he picks /cabbages/. I'll give him credit, though - the jeering hasn't bothered him a bit! He just goes on and--" Orchid's quip cuts Solomon off, and he slowly turns toward the reploid with a less than jovial look. "Potato church. Please tell me you're joking." The tone of Solomon's voice suggests his sanity might take a slight hit if it turned out the potato church were real. Before he can get an answer, though, he redirects his focus, having caught a glimpse of a clearly foreign entourage outside the inn. Seems a giant sentient wolf with unusual species has taken up a spot by the window next to Solomon's table. "Look, if the guards didn't harass you on the way in, you're fine." In response to Mortimer's "vegetable friar" quip, Solomon grins wryly, evidently trying to be polite by masking disdain for the pun. "Aaaaanyway. The cabbage monk is right over there, past a couple tables. Should be able to hear him through the crowd if you focus." Indeed, the monk is picking up steam, and starts getting a bit louder: "...and thus, we are taught that nutrition is power. And it is the cabbage that possesses great nutrition, the sustainer of life, to us who walk. To disregard the cabbage is to disregard life..."
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer takes a long drag from his pipe and exhales a cloud of pleasant, apple-scented smoke. "Well he has a point at least, a well reasoned one even. Though framing it religious context seems queer unless there's a Cabbage God I'm not aware of."
Orchid	"I couldn't tell you for sure," Orchid says with a smile. "I don't think it's a real thing, but if it is, it isn't very large. I found like two references to it, and one source involved a man who snorted calcium carbonate seeking a high." She looks back at the monk in the front of the room. "He's got at least something of a point, but are there enough calories in cabbage?"
Tomoe	Tomoe looks to Solomon for a moment "I see so I have no idea then." She looks and watches she nearly make a very poorly thought out joke about Potatos and churchs but manages to catch herself just before she does so. "I hope she is honestly and as for this it could be worse right? He's just speaking his mind. I mean if no one's shot Gilgamsh for being an Anne Randian fanboy..."
Mortimer Balman	Mort does not seem inclined to move that much. He is most comfortable on his perch. "I'll give him this much, he's a /wonderful/ speaker. Though.. Yeah, cabbage needs other things with it for proper nutritional and caloric intake-" said to Orchid. "Stir fry was always my favorite thing to do with cabbage. Lots of pork, ideally."
Solomon Roget	Okay, the joke has gone too far. Solomon's laughter, already tempered by a bad pun, has vanished entirely, and this monk is treating /religion itself/ as some sort of comedy. Also, the duelist might be rather drunk at this point. While not directly responding to Mort or Orchid, Solomon shouts over the crowd: "Hey! Why don't you follow an /actual ideology/? Order, chaos, justice, battle? You know gods exist for each of those, right?" Shouting turns to outright jeering. "But /no/. Ya gotta pick /cabbages/ and inshult all our intelligences by ramblin' on. Bet ya there ain't even a cabbage god." A hush falls over the rest of the crowd. The cabbage monk, in his cruciferous raiments, slowly and dramatically turns to face Solomon dead-on. "You DARE deny that which is Brassica Prime?! The giver of cabbages? The delicious and the nutritious? The god which transcends all? Hmph." The monk winds himself down from his brief fervor. "No, perhaps you are not enlightened yet. The leaves of the cabbage carry not only nutrients, but words of wisdom for all who would care to listen." He opens a sack he brought with him to reveal countless cabbages, taking one out to hold to his ear. "Yes... I see. Yes, you are right. I see the fiery... um, badger? Yes, the badger by the window has seen some enlightenment. Although somewhat mistaken--" He stops short. The cabbage's leaves... wait, did they rustle on their own!? Or was that just sleight of hand? Regardless, the monk changes tune. "...I see. Cabbage can indeed coexist with other foods, you say? I must think on this." He pauses his sermon, folding his arms in contemplation.
Orchid	"Never argue religion, politics, or toast," Orchid mutters to herself. "Then again, given that I'm considering.." She trails off, watching the argument between Mortimer, Solomon, and the Priest. "I prefer spinach, anyway."
Tomoe	Tomoe would agree with Mort that Cabbage is a good addative to other foods. "I have always found it's a good food to mix with others. Also Cabbage has many forms, Wild Cabbage, Cabbage, Savoy cabbage, Red cabbage, Cone cabbagem, Collard greens, Jersey cabbage, Ornamental Kale, Kale, Lacinato kale, Perpetual kale, Marrow cabbage, Tronchuda kale, Brussels sprout, Kohlrabi, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Romanesco broccoli, Broccoli di Torbole, Broccoflower and Broccolini. Are all just different shapes of wild cabbage."
Solomon Roget	The monk sighs and places a cabbage in front of Orchid. "Here, keep this with you. Perhaps one day Brassica Prime shall speak through this child's leaves, and grant you enlightenment."
Solomon Roget	When Tomoe starts on her grand list of various types of cabbage, all the monk can do is stare at her and blink. Blink. Blink blink. The various patrons start talking amongst each other again, some looking over at Solomon's table while others are glancing out the window, but the general tone is genuine interest rather than mockery. A minute or so passes. The monk finally snaps himself out of his astonishment long enough to approach Tomoe with some trepidation, hands and voice shaking slightly as he speaks: "Y-you... I must--I-I must know your name. Y-your knowledge of cabbage, it surpasses even mine... truly, I am humbled to be in your presence. It is you who should be up here, with me listening, not the other way around." For his own part, Solomon has been slamming down stein after stein of ale, groaning and muttering "this was a bad idea" over and over.
Mortimer Balman	Mort waves his pipe at Solomon a bit. "Oh hush, this is most amusing." Another drag. "An excellent point, Tomoe. Though you forgot the other foods in the same family as cabbages. Bok choy, turnips, watercress, kohlrabi, radishes, several types of mustard... All very delicious when utilized properly. For my part, I'm quite partial to deep fried turnips with a lovely garlic butter sauce, and bok choy used for sushi wrapping."
Orchid	Orchid examines the cabbage. She looks at it from all angles. She weighs it in her hands. She even listens to it again. Then, she opens her mouth wider than she should be able to, and puts it in, taking the cabbage in one bite. Yeah, it's the upper limit of what she can eat in one sitting, but it's a decent parlor trick.
Tomoe	Tomoe looks embrased at this point. "I was just thinking of the ones that were directly Cabbage just with a differnet apperance." She looks to the momk for a moment sha shakes her head. "I'm simply a bit of a cook it pays to know these things and you make a good point Mort. No your the one whose driven to do this I'm simply helping you expand your understanding of Cabbages." She is meaning it too then Orchid just "What the blue blazes...that's almost more disturbing thant the Dark Lady's armour set!"
Solomon Roget	"Hm. Yes, I suppose my zeal is rather important for spreading Brassica's word." The monk seems satisfied with Tomoe's response and backs off--only to be taken aback by Orchid's impossible display of eating prowess. He goes wide-eyed, shaking his head slowly while backing up from the scene. He doesn't say anything more - he silently writes down some notes before retreating out the back door. Without his sack of cabbages.
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer simply continues to smoke. "He forgot his sack of cabbages, it seems. Well that won't do- Ulbrecht, up lad." The great wolf pulls its face from the window and stands up. "Switch, if you'd be so kind?" "<Of course, sah.>" The bag begins to levitate off the ground and through the window, until Ulbrecht can delicately grab it with his teeth. "Wouldn't do for a holy man to be without his iconography."
Orchid	From somewhere, Orchid has produced a toothpick, and is cleaning the last bits from between her teeth. That done, she chuckles a little. "It's not something I do often, and I'll be digesting it for about a week, but did you see those responses?"
Tomoe	Tomoe just sits back down and will place an order of food as she looks to the Monk, he was harmless and hey honestly more veggies in the diet is good for humans so she see no real harm in the man and his view of the world. "I'm going to try to forget it if I can, Orchid to be honest..."
Mortimer Balman	Mort deigns to walk inside and relax into a chair instead of on his beast. "Pretty cool trick if you ask me. Then again, I'm the guy who briefly dated a Mawile-morph.." Apple-scented smoke fills the room. "Digesting for a week, though? What are you doing with it? Analysing it?"