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Ran Itoh     There's cake, because she'd promised August something to eat. And Ran likes making people happy, but so far the only thing she's seen that makes August even a little happy is sweets.

    It worries her, in more ways than one.

    So she'd invited him to meet her at the Shack, which is slightly more neutral than her place. August's claim to it is stronger than hers, but Ran belongs here too.

    In deference to the remaining summer heat she's wearing a sleeveless top and denim shorts, her usual scuffed white sandals, her long hair in a high ponytail. She brought a Tupperware (it has adorable frolicking foxes on it) carrying three pieces of chocolate cake.

    Ran makes sure everything's in place (because she did the inviting) and settles down to wait for the kettle to boil.
August Kohler August arrives pretty much on time, knocking on the Shack's door a single time before going in, a tip of the head towards Ran before moving over to the table. And moves to open the tupperware. A boy knows exactly what he wants. But, instead of just grabbing the cake, he examines it for a moment, and then talks.

"So, how are you, Itoh?" August is pretty obviously anxious, and the look on his face makes it clear he doesn't see this as a pure friendly get together. "Thanks for inviting me. What flavor tea?"
Ran Itoh     The tip of his head is returned with a friendly little wave attached. Ran is smiling, like she usually is, and while it's a little uncomfortable it's also genuine. She really is happy to see him, even if he /does/ go for the cake first. (It's chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and an appreciable amount of peanut butter chips on top. It's also pretty obviously homemade, even if it's in the sense of 'Ran used a mix'.)

    "I brought barley tea from home, but I think there's still white and black here somewhere. Plus there's sugar, and milk in the fridge if you want it." She takes one of the pieces for herself, tilting the slice over onto its side inside the Tupperware. "Would you mind pouring the hot water?"

    Instead of cutting into her own slice, she pushes the coffee mugs over to him. "I've been okay. Way better since we found Janine's family. I was super worried about them, and her..."
August Kohler "Not at all." August stands to pour the hot water for the tea, grabbing himself sugar and milk from the fridge for his cup, as he returns to the table. "No preference here. Cake looks good, though." The redhead grabs a slice and begins to slowly cut into it, taking care in how he cuts his bites so that he gets the perfect mixture of chocolate+frosting+peanut butter chips. Taking a bite, he nods his satisfaction, as he replies after chewing. "She's strong, she'll keep going. I trust in her. She's my second, after all." A shrug of the shoulders, as August glances at the tea pot briefly before continuing.

"So, as much as I /do/ enjoy talking to you, let's not beat around the bush too much. Why did you call me here?"
Ran Itoh     Ran dunks her teabag into her mug, watching the tannins start to spread into the hot water. "Thanks! I hadn't made one in a long time, so even if it's from an instant mix... well, I'm glad you think so." She cuts into her slice with the side of her fork and gives it a taste. "...Could've used whatever it is that Hikky and Dad use, but it's not too bad, huh." Cake is cake, especially when it's from a mix!

    It's still a little interesting to watch how August eats. She sees you rationing your ingredients, young man!

    She sighs, and picks up her mug, swirling the water around a little bit. "Does it really feel like I /called/ you? That you couldn't say no if you didn't want to eat cake with me?" The smile she quirks at him is a little wry, warm brown eyes crinkling at the edges. "But I do have some things to ask you about, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd think about answering me honestly." Ran looks down into her mug. "Not putting me off, or saying it's all okay, or none of my business, okay?"

    She looks back up at him. "They told you about the Chief Engineer - your Shadow. I wanted to ask how you're feeling - what you're thinking about. But I also wanted to ask you about something /he/ said." Ran blows on her tea to cool it before looking up at him over the rim of her mug.

    "Do you think you're a burden to us?"
August Kohler August's been texting part of this time (he feels no fault, Ran was in the same conversation), nodding about the cake, as he starts working on his own tea, pouring in the milk and sugar. "Cake's cake. Better than getting it probably but unconfirmably stolen for me, atleast. Maybe." Blunt, but he's enjoying it.

August glances up from the phone conversation, and laughs, if a bit nervously. "I'll never say no to dessert." But as Ran starts getting a bit more seriously, he just nods as she asks him to answer honestly, and listens to her plainly as she starts asking things. He doesn't respond when she says she has a question, waiting to hear what it is.

His disconnect from the group chat is only a few seconds after she says it, his phone moving onto the table. August takes about a minute, sitting there, putting his hand in his mouth and biting on the skin briefly before tilting his head back. "So, you want the honest answer. You want me to tell you everything. Alright." A breath. "Yes. I am absolutely a burden. I have statistically made things worse in pretty much every situation one way or another, and I have constantly put the group in danger. I can be elaborate in specifics, but there's the Woodsman battle, the Huntsman, and several others you weren't present for or knowledgable about. My very presence has been cycling things downwards, and we're just waiting for the fuse to finally hit the big barrel of oil and send everything skyrocketing."

August's tone as he says all of this is calm, if an almost positively /faked/ calm. The voice is absolutely his, though, and doesn't sound like those times his Shadow spoke up. "Is that what he said? That I'm a burden? Because he's damn right. But, before you go and say 'no you're not', why? How? Name one thing I've done 'good' that none of you could have done if I hadn't been there. Because I've had this discussion with Kurosawa." There's a beat there, as August looks away, trying not to say something, apparently.

"Janine would be a far better leader than I would. Or you, or Kurosawa, or hell, even /Will/."
Ran Itoh     Texting during a meeting for cake is perfectly acceptable! Case in point.

    She watches him with dark eyes as he bites at his hand, whether because he's close to hurting himself or because she recognizes what the gesture is for. Even Ran isn't completely certain.

    The fine hairs on her arms threaten to prickle when he finally agrees to tell her everything. What if this goes badly? What if she messes up? Hikaru was easy to like, even as a messed-up street kid - he made sure of it, because he'd learned early that it was a good defense against being hit or abused. August, on the other hand, thinks differently.

    For someone that reminds her so much of Hikaru-back-then, they aren't that much alike.

    So Ran is still, and quiet, and listens.

    Even if it hurts to hear him say, over and over, that his life and contributions are worthless. That he's harmed them more than helped. And the worst part is... Ran doesn't /know/. She doesn't know what to say to make him feel better. She doesn't know August the way she knew Hikaru. Even after more than a year...

    She holds her mug in both hands, fingers sending warning signals - too hot it burns a little, put it down. She doesn't.

    "He said, '/I'm/ a burden'," she clarifies once he's spilled his guts. "Not that you were."

    "But," Ran continues after a moment's silence, "So was Hikaru. So is Janine. So am I. That's part of being human - you fail. And you make mistakes. And you hurt others."

    Ran finally puts her mug down, fingers red from the heat. "Hikaru was worth it. /You're/ worth it. Do you not want to be the leader anymore? We can't force you - I /won't/. But don't hate yourself. None of us hate you. Don't you think that's worth something?"
August Kohler "I am him. He's my Shadow, isn't he?" Those blue eyes stare back, almost sort of cold, as August replies to her clarification with rapid accuracy. His eyes just affix on hers when she talks about how the others are also burdens, and how they all made mistakes. His face crunches, as if this discussion is making him /very/ uncomfortable. Finally, he speaks up again, after taking a sip of his tea. "I'm the leader because I was selected, unanimously, to be such. I'd be letting them down to say no. If you want me to step down, I will." But also a hint of...almost defiance. Willpower? That statement's very odd if August thinks of himself as a burden. He deflects from it quickly, though, moving back to the rest of the conversation.

"Hate would be better. When people get close to me, they get hurt. I've seen it for years. I make people upset, or uncomfortable, or they get hurt..." August bites his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood. "Or they /die/, and it's my fault. If I wasn't there, it wouldn't have happened. Janine wouldn't have gotten her arm cut off, even if it barely got fixed; you guys wouldn't be risking yourself in my mind..."

"That damn cat wouldn't have died for me." His tone's no longer calm. It's shaky, as if this is something he's been suppressing. "How many more will? How many lives will my existence take before you give up on me? You're an idealist, Itoh, you think so naively about this world. It's clear in how you act, it's clear in your Persona, in what it can do, you think you can just fix all of this and win it like a video game, in the end, and that hope will prosper? How do you know?" August's most classic trick in the book.

Deflection.
Ran Itoh     If August is uncomfortable, that's fine. Ran is, too. This /isn't/ her strong suit - logic and debate are things better left to Janine, and convincing others is best lef to Hikaru. All Ran can ever do is say how she feels, and refuse to think too far ahead, because otherwise...

    Ran picks up the bunny pendant off of her chest and stares down at its shiny surface. Among any other group of people who know what they know, it might be the same as gazing contemplatively at one's weapon; here, it's just Ran, wishing she could ask her other self for answers. "I'm not going to ask you to step down," she repeats, closing her fingers around the silver. "I'm not going to hate you. Making other people upset or uncomfortable, that's part of life. Janine's doing it, all the time - I'm honestly a little scared of her, but she's our teammate. I want to understand her better." Ran squeezes her pendant. "I want to understand you better, too. I want to be able to say you're my /friend/."

    A friend...

    "I can't understand everything you're going through. Nobody could, I think. But..." she trails off, a little uncertain. "Panzercat is alive, though. In your memories. In your head. I..." Ran tucks her lip between her teeth. This is hard. She knew it would be, but... she doesn't know what to /say/. She's never been good at this. "I just..."

    And, as tall and loud as she can be, Ran feels very small. An idealist? ...Yes, she is, isn't she.

    "--Is it wrong?" she blurts out suddenly. "To want to hope? To want a world where things make sense? Even if the world's messy and chaotic and people get hurt, is it wrong of me to want to fix it, even if I can't?" Her fingers squeeze harder, the ears poking into the soft meat of her palm. "I... there's so much bad out there. There are so many people who are sick, or hurting. You, Janine, Hikky... and all I can do is look in from outside. I'll never know how you feel, not really, but..."

    Tears prickle at her eyes. Shit, she hadn't wanted-- she didn't-- "I don't know. I don't know anything. But you don't deserve to feel like this all the time. I know /that/ much."
August Kohler Even as Ran speaks, August doesn't reply. He continues to dig into his lip, anguishing himself as she speaks, until suddenly, she blurts out. This actually shocks him, enough for his eyes to widen a bit and for him to bite down just hard enough to draw a tiny bit of blood. The redhead grabs a napkin and puts it to his lip, but refuses to give it other attention, as instead he listens to her. Watches her cry. "You're a good person. You're a better person than I ever will be. Not allowing hope to get jaded, even in what we see...hell, you're a decade older and you still believe."

Even as August says that, though, he sounds...uncertain. As if he's not sure if he really has lost his belief in hope, or if it'd just be easier that way. "I'm sorry." He says it once. "I'm really sorry." And then again, as he leaves his cake and tea there, rising to his feet. "I'm...I'm going to check this out." His hand gestures up to his lip, as he begins to walk over towards the direction of the bathroom, his pace slow and unsteady. His legs shaking, as August stops at the door, turning back for only a second.

"I'd like to be able to say that too."
Ran Itoh     Immediately, her first instinct is to lean forward. To see if he's all right. But August is a tougher kid than Ran was. Maybe even tougher than Hikaru was. It's hard to know what to do for someone who doesn't need you.

    "I'm not better than you," Ran disagrees, forcing herself to lean back and let him have his space. "It's just because... I've seen bad things. But I've seen good things, too. I've seen what happens the /one/ time you can save somebody. When you get to them in time, when they can go on living. When they heal."

    She lets her pendant go, finally - there's no blood in her hand, just a pair of reddened patches. "If it's bad, I'll fix you up," she reminds him simply. "I don't want you to associate my cake with the taste of blood, okay?" Ran's smile is small and watery, and her eyes are still moist, but she's trying.
August Kohler "It's just a cut. I'll be fine." August replies, moving through the door. He doesn't return for quite some time, but eventually does, and if Ran's still there, quietly thanks her for the cake and tea, takes his even though the tea is still cold, finishes it silently, and leaves with a single goodbye.

"...I'm glad we have you to support us. Thanks, Ran."