Scene #4825: The Soldier and the Fox

Owner	Pose
Hikaru Kurosawa	So Hikaru calls August up, one day, and asks him to meet him at the Shack. And if he wants anything from the store, because while Hikky is sure that Will's world is... nice, it doesn't sound like it has much for shopping. So that's how he ends up strolling up to the Shack with a cake, wearing his salmon pink shirt and the /potoo tie/. He would have preferred to make August a cake, but it's sort of short notice and sometimes kids just want good old consistent bakeries. (It's a nice cake from a nice bakery, at least. Good thing he only just got paid! He can totally afford it.) He sets the cake down on the table - he's got paper plates and cutlery too, obviously, he's not a /monster/. And while eating the cake is certainly /tempting/, it's August's cake and Hikaru has more self-control than that. (Mostly because he already ate a candy bar on the way here, and he has another five stashed away in the Junker if he needs more. Take /that/, scarcity!) He flips through one of the pamphlets he and Ainsley made as he waits for August to arrive, smiling at how nice the illustrations are.
August Kohler	An innocent chat with cake involved? That sounds like a lot of fun! Too bad August is too smart and immediately has a suspicion of why Hikaru wants to talk to him. However, he will never pass up cake. And so, he arrives, in a pair of pants and a buttoned shirt, also wearing a brown duster and a nine-gallon cowboy hat because he's cheap. August's entrance into the Shack shows how comfortable he is here; he casually unlocks the door, walks in, puts his hat and coat on the rack, and then moves over to the group table, tipping his head in greetings to Hikaru as he sits down, grabs a plate, and cuts a piece of cake. "Thank you, Kurosawa. How are you?" And then he starts eating, watching Kurosawa from wherever he is. It is entirely possible you could lure this kid into a pittrap with cake.
Hikaru Kurosawa	Little does he know, August /has/ been lured into a pit trap... a trap of TALKING ABOUT HIS FEELINGS! Hikaru smiles to August as he rolls on in, cowboy hat and all. "It certainly seems like you're getting into the spirit of things over there!" Maybe no one else on Will's world actually dresses like that, but Hikaru hasn't gotten over there yet, so he wouldn't know. August's lack of manners doesn't bother him at all, because Hikaru knows what it's like to just /really want some cake/. "You're welcome. I'm doing pretty well - Ran and I had kind of a late night yesterday, marathoning some shows, but it's nothing some good old black-magic coffee can't fix!" He grins, gesturing with a hand. "So, how about you? How've you been doing?" It's a casual question, leading in from his own discussion of what he's been up to. Even though Hikaru's here because he's worried about August, he makes the question sound so /natural/.
August Kohler	"If you can easily fit in somehow, you should." August says casually, in-between bites of cake. "I know the feeling. Coffee: the most legal upper." No, August knows nothing about drugs outside of TV and essays but STILL. August is pretty much expressionless when he replies to Hikaru. "I'm fine. Just been dealing with snakes, robot Roman armies, nanozombies, the usual. Going to the beach soon, but it's on Pauwel's world, so there might be murdercrabs or something." And he continues eating his cake. "So, when are you going to get to the psychoanalyzing?"
Hikaru Kurosawa	Hikaru laughs at August's coffee remark, shaking his head. He's not going to press it, because teenagers make references to drugs /all the time/, and he has no reason to suspect August's actually getting into trouble with drugs. Especially not when he's got plenty of trouble just by going into the multiverse. "That sounds exciting! And terrifying. Terriciting." Except the way he mashes the words together makes /zero/ sense, because he's not a native German speaker. (Nanozombies, really? Will lives in a sci-fi world. It's so bizarre.) Then August asks when he's going to get to psychoanalysing, and Hikaru chuckles, leaning back in his chair. "It's that obvious, huh? Well, the thing about psychology is it's a two-way street. I'd like to give you the opportunity to talk about what's going on, because you went through an extreme experience, and it's hard to recover from something like that alone. But if you don't feel like you can tackle that right now, my job's to help you figure out how you can keep soldiering on without your trauma getting in the way of things. So," he spreads his hands, "how can I help, August?"
August Kohler	"What?" Is all August replies to 'terriciting', mainly because he can hear the attempted German underneath and boggles. And then, he begins cutting another slice, even though he hasn't finished his first. It's good to be prepared. "Isn't everything we do an extreme experience, Kurosawa? We fight humanity's dark side. We kill monsters, or struggle against those far greater than us. We're fighting a battle that is ultimately stacked against us, on the scale of legends." Another bite of cake. "I am fine. I screwed up, and I got consequences for it. This is life. The only thing I regret is that you risked your lives, and that someone /died/ trying to save me." Despite his attempt to maintain calm and rational, for someone in Hikky's line of work, it's pretty obvious that August is not okay, and that it's especially the last part that's screwing with him. "Though, I assume you disagree. But I'll live, and I'll keep doing what I'm doing, and eventually I'll die in that Forest, and life goes on."
Hikaru Kurosawa	"Okay," Hikaru nods, taking it all in. August is minimising and brushing over his experiences - except the part where /other/ people got hurt. That August doesn't care about himself isn't news, and Hikaru's professional enough to keep his face from reflecting too much of his concern. (He's gotta maintain that invested expression!) "But here's the thing," he says, gesturing with a hand. "You've made a lot of judgements just in that overview, haven't you? That everything we do is extreme, so your experience doesn't really matter. That you deserved what happened, that the only bad thing is other people getting hurt or dying. Those thoughts aren't really reality, and I think you know that. Is that your model of life? That if everything is your responsibility, you can control it?" Despite asking so many questions, Hikaru isn't passing judgement with his tone. He leans forward, palm outspread. "Let me ask you something else, August. How long have you believed you're going to die out there?"
August Kohler	August actually takes a break from his cake, and smiles. He seems to find something about Hikaru's analyzing funny. "When people rely on me, they get hurt. When I rely on other people, they get hurt. You've heard the plan they're tossing around, for my sake, one that has the ability to get them all in great trouble. That's the definition of a burden. And a burden /doesn't/ matter. If I died, people would cry, sure. But they'd get over it, and without me, they'd do better." August truly believes this. "Yet, they gather around me. They unanimously made me the leader. And even when I screwed up and made things worse, they continued to put themselves into more harm." August actually slides his cake away to fold his hands on the table. "Ever since I first got my Persona and decided to fight in the Forest, alone. I'd help people, and then I'd leave, so that they didn't end up suffering. But I found the Multiverse. And I foolishly got help. I met others with Personas. I created Die Reisende. I got so into the concept of fighting together, that for a moment, I forgot what I was. Maybe it was because I was lonely; I don't have friends, and now I had a social circle." He takes a brief moment to grab a drink of water and clear his throat. "And then there was that incident with the Woodsman. And then there was my kidnapping. And someone died. And I was reminded, in the end, that I make things worse. But I can't very well tell them that, can I? That the one they decided was the leader is going to get them all killed because he's worthless?" August's belief in this is almost ironclad; it's pretty much who he is. "You know, Personas reflect the inner soul. They're who we really are, even if we want to deny it. The Steadfast Tin Soldier. He was worthless, yet he kept moving on, had the willpower to try and be what he wanted to be. He braved so many trials, and he fought admirably, but in the end, he mades thing worse. The paper ballerina died, and he was burned." He lowers his head and closes his eyes. "In the end, he should have never existed." And then he lifts his head up, opens his eyes, and stares at Hikaru. "Speaking of which, I read into your story. Even though we joked, and you deflected, it's pretty clear what it means. Obviously you didn't eat the livers of your siblings, or kill everyone you love..." "But I just have to wonder how many masks you're wearing right now."
Hikaru Kurosawa	Hikaru listens as August pours out his heart. He lets him talk, without stopping him or making any interruptions. He hurts people, just by existing; he doesn't matter, it would be better if he died. He forgot himself for just a moment, and then he had a social circle... August moves on to describing Personas, how worthless his is, how even if he tried he just makes things worse. And then he comes to Hikaru, and lashes out at him in that same calm tone he's been using this whole time. Hikaru shakes his head, not showing the sting of the words on his face, because August is hurting, and he's deflecting, too. He takes a moment to think of how to react; obviously, he can't rise to the bait, but he feels like August deserves honesty after responding so honestly to him. It's not standard practice, but this isn't a standard therapeutic relationship in the first place. "Right now? Three," Hikaru says, finally, in a gentle tone. "You learn how to contain your emotional reactions to things when you're with a client - it doesn't help them at all if you're getting teary, you know? So that's one. Secondly, even though I sympathise with your situation, I can't get too personal about it, because this is about you, not me. And the third is the one I always wear," he gestures with a hand, "because I don't feel like the world would like the real me very much." Which might be why he sympathises. "Thank you for telling me all that," Hikaru says, moving on from the question without offence. "I can appreciate how hard it is to talk plainly about stuff like this, especially when you don't want anyone to worry about you. It can be really hard, feeling like everything you do makes things worse. I notice you said you don't have any friends -- don't you feel that the people fighting for you consider you their friends?"
August Kohler	"Then, do you really have the right to tell me what isn't reality?" August says, as Hikaru reveals his final mask. "Someone who doesn't embrace reality can't dictate it for others." He finally, finally, brings his cake back and takes another bite, starting to eat again. "They can consider me whatever they want. They shouldn't, but they'll do what they will. But being someone's friend means you depend on each other, it means you're close. And I already told you what happens when people get close to or depend on me."
Hikaru Kurosawa	"That's the thing about living your life," Hikaru says. "Everything about it seems logical to you, but from the outside, other people can see where there are errors. And everyone has some distorted thoughts, August. Every single person. That's why it's so valuable to get an outside opinion. I do it, too. It's not a matter of dictating reality, it's a matter of checking in and making sure our brains aren't lying to us. Because, you know, brains are good at that." He shakes his head, gesturing with an open hand. "August, there's another thing about brains and the things they do. They love focusing on the bad. Someone died, and that's a tragedy - but what about all the times nothing bad happened because someone cared about you? I think you'll find that those times exist, too, even if it's hard to see them. For instance, nothing bad happened here when we arrived here for this chat. I'm here because I care about you, and yet nothing is on fire, and no one is screaming. How do you explain that?"
August Kohler	"Our brains may lie to us, but do our souls?" August glances at the mirror in the background, and is engulfed, briefly, in blue light. "Persona." The Tin Soldier rises out of that mirror. He's a large, robotic man, dressed in Danish military dress. His body and half of his face are covered in burn-scars, and his left leg is gone, replaced by an old-school 19th century rifle. The Tin Soldier makes no natural sound. His face is expressionless, and where one would have eyes, he has nothing but little dots in the metal. The Persona moves, eventually resting behind August. "Those 'good moments' do not outweight he bad. The end result is suffering." August just laughs at Hikaru saying nothing is on fire. "By doing so, you're pouring gasoline on yourself. All that is left is for me to inevitably light the match, and make a fire so large it engulfs you and burns me. It's not an immediate reaction, you know the world doesn't work that way. But I assume you also know that by putting yourself in certain situations, like playing with fire..." "Eventually you get burned."
Hikaru Kurosawa	"You believe the end result is suffering, because that's what you expect," Hikaru explains, patiently, unfazed by August's demonstration of his Persona. The implications are obvious, but Hikaru is apparently made of sterner stuff. "Did you know that the ability to love can't be developed in a vacuum, August? If you haven't experienced friendship or support without it ever going wrong, it's completely reasonable to believe these things will only bring suffering. That's just how your life has gone. It can be hard to overcome beliefs which have protected you for years, I get that." He gestures to the Tin Soldier, loosely. "I just want you to consider whether you might be sabotaging yourself. I say nothing is on fire, so you bring out your Persona, because you feel like it /will/ be on fire soon. But isn't that gesture itself dictating how things will go?" "And there's one other thing I'd like you to think about. Other people can - and should - take responsibility for themselves. Even if I was, as you say, 'playing with fire'... that's my choice to make. You didn't force me to do that. I'm afraid I'm the one with a psychic Persona, August, not you. If I make the choice to put myself in danger, that's my choice, not yours." Hikaru sighs, shaking his head. "Don't you think you're removing everyone's agency by trying to blame yourself?"
August Kohler	August makes an unprecedented action. He gets up, taking the /unfinished cake/, and begins to put it away. He slides his already-cut, second slice, to Hikaru. "I came to this school over a year ago. I talked to people. I tried making friends. But in the end, I made them miserable. I was a burden to them. And then I made allies, and as I said before, I forgot. And then Panzerkatze died. He, a Shadow, gave up his life for me. Janine almost lost her arm fighting the Woodsman, something I pushed us into. And if things had gone just a bit wrong, maybe the Huntsman would have killed another of you. Or another. Or if we hadn't fled, the Woodsman would have slaughtered all of us." As the redhead finishes putting away the cake, he takes a breath. "And it would have been my fault. I was the leader. I was put in charge. And I've done /nothing/ worthy of that position, except inadvertantly lead you all to care about me. And that's the greatest mistake I ever made." August heads to the coatrack, grabbing his hat and jacket. "Acknowledging my fate isn't sabotage. History and experience, especially in regards to the Forest, has dictated how things will end up. The very reflection of my soul, my Persona, has dictated how things will end up. I can't change that." And then, he begins to head for the door, but August first turns to Hikaru, one last time. "As I said before, you can do what you want. You can feel however you want. But that match is going to ignite, eventually." And, finally, August moves for the door. "And you, Hikaru Kurosawa, are going to die, and I will have been right. So, maybe it'll be better if I die fighting first, before that can happen." And then, August sadly leaves, unless stopped. He's unable to keep this discussion going any further.
Hikaru Kurosawa	"So you prove it to yourself, and everything makes sense." Hikaru doesn't stop August as he puts things away. He's not going to trap him here; August's own agency is important here. "Because if it's your fault, that's comforting, isn't it? You knew this would happen. But maybe that's not how it is, August. Just think about it." He can't change fate. "Everyone can change. I was able to do it, August. So can you. Your Persona isn't a death sentence, it's just one angle of your story." Hikaru has trouble believing that about himself, but he /knows/ it's something August has to be able to realise. Reality is always more obvious when you're talking about somebody else. So he echoes the words Ainsley told him, and hopes they're good enough. "It's never better for someone to die," Hikaru calls out to August as he leaves. "Life matters, even yours!" But he doesn't get up to stop him, doesn't block him from fleeing the scene. Once August is gone, he runs his hand through his hair and sighs, shaking his head. Moments pass, and he slides his hand down his face. "Fuck," he murmurs, quietly, glancing over to the shut door. "This one's too close to me, huh..?"